That’s probably about as good as that plot change is going to get. Is clearly relays the necessary information, and it would NOT be the clumsiest thing in the movie. 😃
Is 3PO’s voice AI? It sounded like maybe you had just recorded your own voice. It isn’t bad, but if an AI voice based on 3PO’s “red mode” voice is possible, or just a distorted AI 3PO voice, that may help sell it.
Good use of Palpatine’s smile shot, given that it won’t appear in its original context.