Must be something in the water. A further refinement:
The Galactic Republic’s golden
age is ending. As corruption
grows, Queen Amidala of Naboo
fights to defend democracy.In a show of force, the greedy
Trade Federation has sent a
deadly war fleet to surround
her planet. While the Senate
debates endlessly, the Supreme
Chancellor urgently directs the
Jedi Order, mystical guardians
of peace and justice, to help.Sensing a darker cause behind
this crisis, the Jedi dispatch
wise Master Qui-Gon Jinn and
his young apprentice to protect
the Queen and her people…
I like this, but I agree with @Mrebo that the first line doesn’t sound like a Star Wars crawl, it’s not present enough. I made a few small changes, going through all 3, and adding some of my own ideas. 88 words.
The waning golden age of the GALACTIC REPUBLIC faces exploitation by rogue opportunists. As corruption spreads, Queen Amidala of Naboo demands justice when the greedy Trade Federation traps her peaceful planet behind a blockade.
While the Republic Senate is mired in endless debate, the SUPREME CHANCELLOR chooses a secret path of his own, directing the Jedi Order, mystical guardians of peace and justice, to intervene.
Sensing a darker presence at hand, the Order dispatches Jedi Knight QUI-GON JINN and his apprentice to aid the Queen and her people…
I wanted to add something at the end like, “and uncover a possible threat to the galaxy…” but I couldn’t find anything else to cut, and I thought that might be too much anyway.