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The Prequels: What they should have said...

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Here's an interesting and hilarious thing to do. I saw this on the official boards a very long time ago. Pick a scene from any of the three prequels and re-write the dialogue, turning it into a joke or something....

Examples:

From AOTC when Obi-Wan and Anakin are in the elevator going up to see Padme for the first time...

Obi-Wan: You're sweating!!! Relax!!!
Anakin: Master, I've been spanking it to this girl for TEN YEARS.
Obi-Wan: (looks at Anakin strangely) You too?
Anakin looks at Obi-Wan wide-eyed.

From AOTC during the infamous fireplace scene...

Anakin: When I'm away from you, it's like I can't breathe...
Padme: OH PUH-LEEZE!!!!! What kind of pick up lines are they teaching you at that temple? No wonder all you Jedi are virgins!!!

From ROTS during the scene when the eerie music is playing as Padme and Anakin are looking at each other from across Coruscant...

Anakin starts to cry a little bit, torn between the way of the Jedi and his love for Padme. A tear starts to from in his eye.
Anakin: I want my mom. (sob, sob)

Come on, people!!! Run with it!!!
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Originally posted by: Cable-X1
Obi-Wan: You're sweating!!! Relax!!!
Anakin: Master, I've been spanking it to this girl for TEN YEARS.
Obi-Wan: (looks at Anakin strangely) You too?
Anakin looks at Obi-Wan wide-eyed.

LOL!!

Rik, get on this, you comedy genius, you.

War does not make one great.

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Originally posted by: Yoda Is Your Father
Originally posted by: Cable-X1
Obi-Wan: You're sweating!!! Relax!!!
Anakin: Master, I've been spanking it to this girl for TEN YEARS.
Obi-Wan: (looks at Anakin strangely) You too?
Anakin looks at Obi-Wan wide-eyed.

LOL!!

Rik, get on this, you comedy genius, you.


Wrong, on so many levels.

Would be worse if it was Yoda they were talking about.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Here's another one, which was actually said by Yoda in ESB, but can certainly be taken the wrong way:

COME, good food, COME! Yes!
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Here is the uncut version of ROTS that Lucas edited the last minute before its release.

Droid: We don't understand, we are losing her.

Kenobi: She's dying?

Droid: She seems to lost the will to live.

Kenobi: Are you serious?

Droid: Yes

Kenobi: Oh man, since Return of the Jedi, I was waiting for this great answer to know the fate of Anakins wife, and this is what George wrote?

Yoda: Perplexing, it is.

Kenobi: Let me atleast hold little Leia up to Padme so she can remember her mom someway.

Yoda: Plot hole, I believe is developing.

Bail Organa: No, Leia remembers my wife from ROTJ, didn't you listen ObiWan?

Kenobi: No, Luke said to Leia, your real mom? This is driving me nuts

Yoda: Bad writing, bad dialogue, stilted acting, Padme dying of the will to live is the least of our problems with these three movies.

Droid: Sir, Padme seems to be saying something in her last breath.

Kenobi: Padme, hold on.

Padme: Obi......Wan......You.....will.......be.........digitally.........inserted.........at............the..............end..............of the new...........ROTJ...............DVD................out in 2007!

Kenobi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Palpatine "Lord Vader do you think the Prequel Trilogy was worth making?"

Darth Vader "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
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There was a great bit in an episode of Robot Chicken that was spoiling the end of ESB

Vader: Luke, I am your father.

Luke: That's not true! That's impossible!

Vader: And Princess Leia is your sister.

Luke: That's not true. That's improbable.

Vader: And the empire will be defeated by furry midgets.

Luke: Now you're just making stuff up!

(span of time)

Vader: (smoking) And when I was a kid, I made C-3P0. And the Force? That's really just bacteria in your blood called midichlorians.

Luke: (leaving) Look, call me when you get serious.



That's not exact, but it was along those lines
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^^^I just about spit what i was eating at the time everywhere when I saw that.....completely out of know where and so perfectly funny.....I love that show.

Hey look, a bear!

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I must be the only one who doesn't find that Robot Chicken show funny... or almost any other show that are "mature".

But that scene with Darth Vader and Luke is funny somewat...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v463/Lord_Phillock/starwarssig.png

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Hahaha, funniest thread in a long time. Here are some more.....

Anakin
If you're not with me, you're my enemy!!!

Obiwan
Only a Sith thinks in absolutes.

Anakin
What the hell are you talking about Obiwan? You think in absolutes too!

Obiwan
True, all the Jedi do. Good is good, evil is bad, Jedi are good, Sith are evil.

Anakin
Then why did you say only the Sith..

Obiwan
Because Ani, George Lucas is trying to butter up his liberal Hollywood buddies to get him that Best Director Oscar he's been dying for. He still can't get over that his ex-wife won an Oscar for Star Wars and he went home with squat.

George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."
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Some more for Sith....

Vader
Whoa, I sound so cool with this mask on. I love it. So where's Padme anyway?

Emperor
It appears that in your anger, you killed her.

Vader
What the hell are you talk bout Palpy?

Emperor
She's dead, I'm not kidding.

Vader
WTF?!!!! You promised me I'd save her from death. You lied! You bastard!!!!

Emperor
But force choking her to death was not part of the plan you moron.

Vader
Damn I'm such an arsehole.

Emperor
Anyway, even if she had survived, what kind of relationship could you have with her under that suit?

Vader
Um... I dunno

Emperor
Padme is better off dead. She betrayed you. She turned against you. She was going to marry Obiwan.

Vader
Speaking of Obiwan, I should thank him for leaving me out there. I am way cooler in this suit. I'm gunna scare da shit outta everyone. The breathing noise is so damn cool.

Emperor
Agreed. But please stop talking like Jar Jar Binks.

George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."
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This is from a new scene added in ESB Super Duper Special Edition DVD when Han Solo is about to be frozen in carbonite:

(Just as Vader gives the OK to send Solo in carbonite)

Vader: Wait, what is on Chewbaccas back

Solo: That is C-3PO

Vader: My C-3PO

Solo: What do you mean, yours?

Vader: I created him.

Solo: No you didn't

Vader: Well up to this point you're right, but there is this backstory and I make C-3PO

Leia: Is that a joke, whose idea was that?

Vader: I believe it was Lucas.

Leia: Wait a second, you are this icon, this badass, choking guards in this movie, blowing up planets, and you created C-3PO?

Vader: It gets worse, see this guy next to me, Boba come here.

Boba Fett: Yes, Lord Vader

Vader: This guy is the clone template for the stormtroopers

Solo: Are you kidding me, what are they doing to our trilogy?

Vader: I am not done yet, Your boy Chewbacca over there is boys with Yoda

Solo: What, he never told me he hung out with Yoda?

Vader: Yeah, it was this quick scene in ROTS, so Lucas could market it to the older fans to get their fannies back into the seats because of the first two turds he put out.

Leia: Please is there anymore?

Vader: Do you know why I am Darth Vader?

Leia: Because you were corrupted by power?

Vader: No, it was a bad dream,

Leia: A dream, did you consult a pshyciatrist?

Vader: No................I never thought of that................I went to this leader of the galaxy, who turned out to be the sith we were looking for, and he told me I could save my wife, but never really showed me, and then she died, and I'm stuck in this suit...............

Leia: That is kinda dumb?

Vader: Welcome to the prequels.
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Originally posted by: CO
This is from a new scene added in ESB Super Duper Special Edition DVD when Han Solo is about to be frozen in carbonite:

(Just as Vader gives the OK to send Solo in carbonite)

Vader: Wait, what is on Chewbaccas back

Solo: That is C-3PO

Vader: My C-3PO

Solo: What do you mean, yours?

Vader: I created him.

Solo: No you didn't

Vader: Well up to this point you're right, but there is this backstory and I make C-3PO

Leia: Is that a joke, whose idea was that?

Vader: I believe it was Lucas.

Leia: Wait a second, you are this icon, this badass, choking guards in this movie, blowing up planets, and you created C-3PO?

Vader: It gets worse, see this guy next to me, Boba come here.

Boba Fett: Yes, Lord Vader

Vader: This guy is the clone template for the stormtroopers

Solo: Are you kidding me, what are they doing to our trilogy?

Vader: I am not done yet, Your boy Chewbacca over there is boys with Yoda

Solo: What, he never told me he hung out with Yoda?

Vader: Yeah, it was this quick scene in ROTS, so Lucas could market it to the older fans to get their fannies back into the seats because of the first two turds he put out.

Leia: Please is there anymore?

Vader: Do you know why I am Darth Vader?

Leia: Because you were corrupted by power?

Vader: No, it was a bad dream,

Leia: A dream, did you consult a pshyciatrist?

Vader: No................I never thought of that................I went to this leader of the galaxy, who turned out to be the sith we were looking for, and he told me I could save my wife, but never really showed me, and then she died, and I'm stuck in this suit...............

Leia: That is kinda dumb?

Vader: Welcome to the prequels.


LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Anakin: Hey, Padme... Do you like, uh... laying on the sand? Huh? Nudge nudge, knowwhatimean, say no more?

Padme: Well... We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us and try to guess the names of the birds singing....

Anakin: Oh I bet you did, I bet you did, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more...
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Vader(OT): *sees Vader of the PT in the Dagobah cave*
Vader(PT): I had a dream that we would meet here today.
OT: You are unwise to lower your defenses! *strikes*
PT: *strikes back* I won't let you take Padme away from me!
OT: Your thoughts betray you. Now Obiwan's failure is complete. *kills PT Vader*

*PT Anakin turns into Force ghost*

OT Vader: What!?!?


----

I know there isn't a scene in there like that but, I just thought of that. Here's one from AOTC.

The meeting with the queen scene:

Anakin: Excuse me, I'm in charge of Security here m'lady.
Padme: And, this is my home I know it very well.
Anakin: Then, why when, were supposed to be in hiding are we meeting with these people anyway? You aren't conserned that one of these people might tell someone that you've left that captian guy? Ah, nevermind it's a moot point Lucas won't even think about that. He's too busy trying to get the CG doubles to work and, the CG Yoda to say "The Shroud of the Darkside has fallen. Begun this clone war has.".


http://twister111.tumblr.com
Previous Signature preservation link

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Here is a change in dialogue at the end of ROTJ when Luke sees Hayden Christenson as the force ghost now:


(Luke gazes at Anakin, ObiWan, and Yoda, and gives a nod to them)

Luke: Wait, who is that next to Yoda and ObiWan?

Alec Guiness: That is your father.

Luke: My father, he looks as old as me, damn he aged really well

Alec Guiness: No, this your father before he became evil

Luke: So what did he stop aging, maybe we should all become Sith's so we could look like that at 60 years old

Yoda: The situation, you are not understanding Luke

Luke: I am just saying that I'm this friggin jedi, and if I have the chose to look like an old man like you ObiWan or my dad, who still looks like a decent looking guy.

(Leia comes over to talk to Luke)

Leia: Luke, let me talk to you for a second. Do you know why are dad looks so frickin young compared to those old fossils next to him

Luke: Yeah, we have really good genes.

(Han Solo steps in)

Han: Luke, IT IS A PLOT HOLE!

Luke: Now I get it, so now in the Star Wars universe because of these three new movies, nothing makes sense anymore, and everything that we went through in our movies gets contradicted by the new ones?

Leia: Exactly

Luke: I see...........................But he still aged well!

Leia: (talking under her breath) He probably like the prequels, what an idiot.
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Originally posted by: ricarleite
Anakin: Hey, Padme... Do you like, uh... laying on the sand? Huh? Nudge nudge, knowwhatimean, say no more?

Padme: Well... We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us and try to guess the names of the birds singing....

Anakin: Oh I bet you did, I bet you did, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more...


*Gruff voice* Are you insinuating something?

http://i.imgur.com/7N84TM8.jpg

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Chewbacca to Han at the loading dock in Mos Eisely

chewy : what the f%#k was that thing you were talking to outside the ship?

han : eh, just some crazy warlord guy who i owe a shit ton of money to

chewy : damn, why'd he just let you go?

han : i dont really know, i guess he's just a really nice evil warlord.

chewy : oh well, maybe we'll see him again, he seemed cool.

han : yeah, its been a weird day, first i just barely miss being hit by a laser from point blank range, then this.

chewy : yeah. weird. i feel like things used to be cooler.


thank the maker
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From AOTC:

Anakin: I killed them......I killed them ALL......and not just the men.....but the women.....and the children too........and that ain't no lie.....BYE BYE BYE! *breaks into teenybopper dance*



From TPM:

Qui-Gon: Anakin, you shall come with us to the Jedi Temple to begin your Jedi training.

Anakin: *whiny voice* But I was gonna go to Toshi station to pick up some power converters!!

http://i.imgur.com/7N84TM8.jpg