I would like to complain about something that has happened between me and one of my online friends.
I first met her about a year and a half ago on a Star Wars forum. We both shared a strong interest in online role-playing games, which is how our initial connection was formed. Over time, we became good friends, and although we lived far apart — she resides in Oklahoma — we managed to stay in close contact. Eventually, we moved our conversations from the forum to Discord, where we have been communicating regularly ever since.
For most of that time, we spoke almost daily. We exchanged long messages, discussed many different topics, and of course, spent a great deal of time playing together. However, things began to change around mid-July. She became much more distant and quieter than usual, and I have not been able to determine why. Our frequent conversations diminished, and soon we were only speaking once every three days. When we did talk, the exchanges were brief and formal. I would reach out with a message like: “Hello, how are you?”, and three days later, she would reply: “I’m fine, don’t worry. How are you?” I would respond immediately, but it would again take her three days to reply. This continued in a similar fashion. In the last two weeks, the situation worsened. Our communication intervals stretched even further, and now we only speak every five or six days. Even then, the conversations are brief and superficial — just enough to ask how the other is doing.
Eventually, I felt compelled to address the situation. I sent her a long message expressing my concern over the recent changes in our communication. The message was not worded exactly like this, but it was essentially as follows:
“I wanted to talk to you about how things have been between us lately. It seems a bit strange, and I am becoming increasingly worried. The last time we had a proper conversation that lasted more than a minute was back in mid-July, and now it is almost October. You have mentioned that you are busy with family and that the heat in Oklahoma has made it difficult for you to concentrate, but are you certain that these are the only reasons? Are you sure you are telling me everything?
If something is going on and you have not told me because you are concerned about how I might react, please don’t feel that way. If something is wrong, I would much prefer to know, so that I can try to be there for you or at least offer some form of support. I don’t want you to feel as though you need to hide things from me in order to avoid making me worry.
Also, I checked the weather in Oklahoma, and it was around 71.6°F when I last looked, which does not seem as unbearably hot as you have described, especially considering that autumn is approaching. I just want to know if there is something else going on. As I said, I would rather know if something is wrong so I can offer my support, in whatever way I can.”
A few days later, she responded, but her reply was not what I had anticipated. She was upset and felt as though I was accusing her of lying. She told me, in essence, that she didn’t owe me any explanations, and that just because she was busy didn’t mean she was hiding something from me. I could tell that she was offended, though this had not been my intention at all.
I responded again, attempting to clarify my position. I explained that I didn’t mean to accuse her of being dishonest. I acknowledged that I had expressed a belief that she might not be telling me the whole truth, but I emphasized that I was not suggesting she was lying for the sake of it. I simply feared that something might be wrong, and that she was not telling me in an effort to prevent me from worrying. In my final message, I tried to soften the tone by including sad emojis and apologizing for upsetting her. I made it clear that I was sorry for having caused her distress and that she had misunderstood my intentions. I was genuinely concerned about her well-being and only wanted to help.
However, despite my apology, her reaction has left me even more convinced that something is wrong, and that she simply does not wish to tell me. When someone responds so defensively, it usually indicates that there is more to the situation than they are willing to admit. If everything were truly fine, I believe her response would have been different. And now, that is where things stand. She is still upset, and I am waiting for her to reply to the last message I sent two days ago.
I don’t know how to feel about the whole situation.
