It seems a little long to me. It may be better with the visuals.
As far as how it sounds, the only line that struck me as really awkward was the words “for Mandalore” after “leader’s vision.” You could probably even just cut out those two words without losing any meaning.
I think it’s running a little bit too long as well. The video is not done yet because, like the Ugnaught preview above, the original takes have Bo-Katan’s head placements all over the screen and are inconsistent between cuts, gotta fix it first and sync everything with the selected dialogue.
What if I cut the segment around the part that sounded awkward?
“The Darksaber, much like the Mask of Mand’alor, is more than mere tradition. It’s a symbol, a beacon of leadership and unity. Mandalore was not lost because this weapon was accepted as a gift. Our downfall was due to our divisions… our ceaseless conflicts among ourselves. It’s not about the method of acquisition. It’s about belief… Belief in our leader’s vision for Mandalore. We stand here not as adversaries, not as foreigners, but as kin, bound by the soil of our homeworld. If the Darksaber truly is a symbol of our unity, then it should be a gift, passed from one Mandalorian to another. You have fought for Mandalore… bled for it. Your dedication to our people, to our home… You deserve to lead us. If this blade is to be wielded by the leader we believe in most, then I ask you all… Would it not belong to her? Would it not belong to her?”
That still plays well with the story and removes some perhaps unnecessary talking. I’ve listened to A LOT of Din lines over the last year of editing, and I’m pretty confident in how this model is delivering his lines. A few could be touched up but it’s pretty damn close, and I’d say indistinguishable on parts.