The concept is great but I think it needs to be more snappy and fast-paced to blend in with TROS,
I made this ages ago, it might give some inspiration.
https://youtu.be/ENUi3ZGzHkI?t=66
example
Ren opens Vader’s mask container
Smoke comes out
Jump cut to smoke blowing on Vader in the Forest
Quick dialogue
Jump cuts to saber clashes jump to choke
Back to Ren Meditating
Saber on ground
Saber through Vader
Back to Ren