I feel like this phrasing just feels strange. You have that first sentence, “Nobody has claim to those the Force made” followed by, “That choice belongs to you”. What “choice” are you referring to? I feel like the preceding sentence needs to reference some kind of choice. Your origin isn’t something you can choose. Something like “our past doesn’t determine our future, that choice belongs to you” could work better and not be as wordy.
A lot of the dialogue you have written is good, but I do feel some lines feel more verbose/wordy while a lot of Star Wars dialogue feels simple/poetic. Don’t know if that makes sense.