I still want to keep the first line of my crawl, since it’s more than just a callback to TFA’s crawl. Going back to the idea of TRoS’ crawl being a send up of the entire Saga, hammering home that Luke, the man who started it all, is dead, serves as a grim reminder to the audience. Again, there are no more safety nets. The galaxy is a scarier place now, everything more or less depends on Rey & Leia can only help her so much.

I’m more or less satisfied with the final bit of hangar dialogue. As an audience member, I like the idea of someone in-universe going “seriously, Palpatine again?” & Kylo lends himself better to that idea than most. As far as streamlining motivations, Kylo still thinks too deeply in Sith terms, which is why Rey doesn’t join him then & there (plus the Palpatine-lie that shatters her worldview). You could easily delete her saying the “I did want to take your hand” line, especially if she senses Leia’s dying as a result of healing her son. Rey runs away in shame, and we avoid any unfortunate implications of her “fixing” Kylo.

Take three on the crawl:

Luke Skywalker is dead.
While his sacrifice sparked the
flames of hope across the galaxy,
they risk being extinguished by
the despotic First Order.

Since the Battle of Crait, Rey,
the LAST Jedi, has undertaken
strenuous training and studies the
teachings left to her, so that she may
better assist General Leia Organa’s
small yet unfettered Resistance.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
has traveled to Mustafar, blindly
chasing whispers of an OLD POWER
that, when uncovered, will spell the end of
everything…

I did take out the second mention of Luke death (since I realized that was a bit much), and played more into Kylo’s blind rage at the beginning of the movie.