I like where this is going so far. I especially like how we’ve dropped any further revelations about her parents altogether - it avoids having to deal with the inconsistency and her parents backstory is implicit enough. (Minor thought: In TFA Rey says her backstory is a “big secret”. Maybe she’s always had a feeling that something was off about her parentage?)
On JJB’s most recent script, from the last page, I wonder if saying Rey is “destined for power” is a little more subtle at that point in the dialogue than “destined to rule”. That leaves the implication a bit more open to interpretation- including Palpatine’s.
I don’t know if we need the angle about the Force Awakening being a specific event in the forest, and more so that it brought her to Palpatine’s attention, but I don’t think it’s necessarily an issue. I’m just wondering if we might use that for a slightly different revelation or clarification of some of the events of the earlier two movies.
Similarly, I don’t know if we need Palpatine to have wanted them to fight to see who’s best, though again I don’t massively object, and I appreciate that it explains some of the other inconsistencies. As a possible alternative I’d consider something along the lines of Palpatine using Kylo (via his puppet Snoke) as a way to force the darkness to awaken (further) within her, the idea that her passions in traumatic situations would make her delve deeper into the dark side abd make her a more viable host/heir.
I’d also like to keep the Dyad, just because it’s now a concept that the canon is likely to reference again.
Spitballing:
(Cutaway to heroes capture)
“Palpatine knew your power would awaken eventually. When we first fought, in the forest, you reached out for the darkness inside you, setting you on the path toward your destiny… just as he’d intended.”
(Visions of Rey beating Kylo on Starkiller, falling into the dark cave, etc.)
…
“Rey, I know the rest of our story.”
“Tell me.”
"Palpatine influenced the Force itself into creating life. First my grandfather, and then you. Imbued with his power, you… are a rightful Palpatine.”
"Now, the Emperor wants your darkness to consume you, so you can claim the throne as his heir. But what he doesn’t know is we’ve become a Dyad in the Force. Bound by the raw power of our blood. We can end him and the Sith, and create a new order, together…”
I think this all strikes a nice balance between exposition and natural and relevant dialogue, whilst keeping enough vague or open to interpretation that we aren’t pinning ourselves down.