Sure, some of that flows a bit better, but I still think it’s worth stating at least one of the similarities between her and Vader’s story. Especially since they’re fighting right over Vader’s ruined mask the whole time. Also, it makes no sense how he’s trying to kill his own creation in this chain of events. That simply has to go. See my analogy below:
It would be like making an exquisite painting only to use a blowtorch on it because somebody else made a similar one you might be interested in buying.
“I pushed you in the desert because I needed to see it… I needed you to see it… who you are. We share the same darkness, Rey…”
“You’re lying.”
“You were right… your parents were no one. But your father had no part in your conception.”
“Don’t!”
“You are so like my grandfather. So like Darth Vader….”
“I don’t want this!”
“…destined for darkness.”
“No!”
“Palpatine hunted for you across the galaxy.”
(Rey sees the vision of her parents and her abandonment.)
“They paid for your protection…in more than one way.”
“Stop talking.”
“Rey… I learned what happened to them.”
(Cutaway to heroes capture)
“Your parents knew you were different, even then. They searched Jakku’s desert, seeking Luke’s disciples for his protection. But an agent of the Emperor tracked their stolen ship.”
(We have to explain why they’re flying around Ochi’s ship - this is also why Rey being hunted “across the galaxy” is necessary for them to steal it at some point.)
(Rey sees her parents get killed and the mask of Vader falls to the ground.)
“So that’s where you are.”
“Before you chose the Jedi, Palpatine wanted you alive. I’ll come tell you why.”
“Why did the Emperor come for me?”
"Because he influenced the Force to create two dark bloodlines. My grandfather’s, and then perfected with you. You’re his heir, Rey. You… are a Palpatine.”
"The Emperor told me to kill you so that the strongest of us takes the throne. But he’s unaware that we’re a dyad in the Force, Rey… a bond not of shared blood, but power. We can end him and the Sith, and bring a new order to the galaxy, together…
I would love to see a version of this that stays true to TLJ by making her parents careless drunkards. After all, why would a nobody junk trader want to raise a child? You would probably have to lose the Luke church but, but I think it’s ok that it’s a coincidence that she ends up near the falcon.
I would ordinarily agree but there’s still too much later on in the movie which relies on them being good people. If Palpatine had them killed, he was merely doing her a favor, and their fate needn’t be mentioned at all. Then you have to answer questions like why they had Ochi’s ship, how their ship ended up on Pasaana despite them being buried on Jakku, etc. Rey also needs a reason to strike Palpatine down, and this is as good as we’re gonna get.
EDIT: One another important note since we seem to be going in the direction of removing the shift of “Kill me, and my spirit will pass into you” from the beginning back to where it was. Having that line at the beginning “The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be… unnatural” serves as an excellent hint for what’s to come.