I’d just modify slightly the lines:
“But a creation that they loved nonetheless.”
And “They sought sanctuary on Jakku, chasing rumours toward allies of Luke Skywalker."
(This one ties a bit more closely to Lor San Tekka, and implies they were maybe trying to get her all the way into Luke’s protection)
Also perhaps “Because out of hundreds of his followers’ experiments, only one clone body became viable. Rey, you’re an unwanted clone… and that makes you a threat."