I watched it and overall it’s very well done. I do have notes:
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Wow, thanks for the extensive feedback! I did think about including “A long time ago…” But I’m going to wait till I get to ep6 and decide if I want to keep Huyang’s line where he says it. If I decide to keep that, I want it to remain a meta reference to the Skywalker saga, and not an awkward meta reference to itself. I’m leaning toward that, so decided to leave it out.
Maybe someone will come up with some workaround suggestion. I only watched the show once so I dunno.
I get what you mean in not wanting to not do the exact same thing, but it’s really not the exact same thing at all. The situations are just different enough, and they are spaced apart. Morgan is talking about the one who stole the map from her and just gives Baylan her name (which is literally how it happens in the show), and Clancy Brown introduces her by name to the crowd (again, literally how it was done in the show). By doing it this way, you’re given us what the show gave us, but allowing them to mirror each other and say: These are our protagonists.
After watching through it again, I think I’ll compromise and further tighten Ryder’s speech, then cut to Sabine’s intro after he says “Where is she?”
For the lightsaber issue, I’ll see if I can keep in the scene where Hera briefs Ahsoka on Home-One while retaining a brisk pace. Baylan asking Morgan “Who is this Jedi” prevents any implication that he and Ahsoka have encountered before.