I agree with those changes! Might I suggest some different wording:
Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a militia secretly armed
by the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search
of the last Jedi, seeking
to restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars…
I like this. I think “secretly” is very important, cause officially the Senate was still debating to take the threat seriously or not, right?