I was just signing on this morning to reveal my next solution -- and you're already there. The best motive for Anakin is definitely revenge for Padme.
I agree with the way you put it when you say the dialogue can work in this duel. I think the original edit has a combined effect of having too much stand-in work, too little sense of location, AND too many pauses in the fight so that the lines (which are generally good) seem ripe to be removed-- but if the fight is more brutal and the lines can stay? Perfect.
The thing that got me to come around was looking at the whole movie again. We have solutions to reduce or eliminate all Anakin's impetuousness. Now, if I'm accurate in remembering your changes, Anakin is admirable for staying on his Jedi duties as long as he does before going to his mom -- and then again for rescuing Obi Wan. Along the way he wins Padme's heart and, damn it, he isn't going to lose her too! Bam! He runs in at Dukoo-- now only the second reveal of the vengeful emotion that will later destroy him. Now it's significant and not repetitive; the key is to tie it to Padme and not "all the Jedi you killed today."
I realize we can't have a line like "You're going to pay for killing the woman I love." We can come up with a similar line that works, though. It has to clearly refer to Padme from the audience point of view without revealing anything to Obi Wan.
ANAKIN: "You're going to pay for killing her, Dukoo. This I promise."
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One more change that is small, but related is that when Padme falls out of the ship they describe her fall with two shots in the sand: FIRST, she tumbles down the sand dune toward camera and rolls out of frame, screen left. SECOND, she rolls to a stop, on her back facing camera in close-up. I suggest cutting the second shot. It feels fake because the framing is too perfect and she doesn't look like she just fell out of an airplane. If you let her roll out of frame and don't tell us where she stops before cutting back to Anakin's reaction, I think it will seem more convincing that she may be hurt/dead.
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Lastly, the losing Padme beat requires an "I thought I lost you" beat. But I don't want the one in the hanger when she runs up and hugs him -- and I'm glad you don't either.
I think this gives us an idea what the one line over the beginning of the wedding should be -- something to cover this beat and set up the next movie a little. Something like this:
ANAKIN (V.O.): I'm not afraid to die... but I can never lose you again.