I do agree with the word choices y’all suggest, so some of those shall go in.

Thinking about it, ‘fledgling’ works to describe the Resistance quite well, so if that goes in the third paragraph it would feel weird to have ‘fragile’ describe the Republic, since the words are similar. Also, it may be a good idea to actually have the Republic aid the Resistance in some undisclosed way so the First Order has a reason to go after them, and if that is established then it makes sense that the Republic isn’t frail or fragile, just consumed with its own matters. So bringing back the ‘Starfleet’ idea works to avoid any descriptor of the Republic like in the original crawl, and is a nod to the ESB crawl.

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress to
conquer isolated worlds
beyond the reach of the
New Republic Starfleet.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a fledgling militia aided
by the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search of
the last Jedi, vowing to
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….