Love what you’ve done so far. I do have a few ideas that may elevate it.
1.Sabines Stabbing: theres a clip someone made of a slice rather than a stab this is a bit more believe-able and would not add another reason why qui-gon should’ve lived. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jobwstylkI
2.The Forgotten Droid: When the droids are raiding sabines place. She destroys one of them in the process. Instead of ahsoka going back there and catching a droid who stayed behind for some reason we do this:
- sabine says that she got one of them to ahsoka
- ahsoka tells her to get some sleep transition to morgan and assassins activating the map
- once that scene ends cut back to a wide shot of lothal and cut to sabine examining the droid head as ahsoka asks her if shes up for it and let the scene continue as you have structured.
3.Ahsoka Space Combat: I would recommend cutting the space combat sequence entirely and have morgan fire on them when she asks if they are destroyed the droid replys “they are off our scopes”. Her face says it all. We cut to them just entering atmosphere skimming the surface of the planet and cut a segment of hu yang coming back online saying “what did i miss” (cropping the frame to exclude the other two who have changed seats) and cut to the ship landing. No exposition required. He already scanned the ring and we can assume he gave them the run down.
Hi!
Thanks for you feedback, I’m happy you enjoy it.
1 - I know the good job 21C Peasant did on the scene where Sabine is sliced rather than stabbed, but my version don’t include it because I WANT to follow the narration of the original version to avoid future continuity issues.
Besides, I would like to return to the Qui-Gon Jinn argument… in TPM Qui-Gon remained alive long enough after he get stabbed to speak to Obi Wan and ask him to train Anakin, if Obi Wan had the possibility of bring Qui-Gon back to a medical center quickly enough, I’m sure he could have been saved too. On the other hand, for the case of Reva in OWK, I can agree that it is completely ridiculous.
2 - It’s not a bad concept, but this scene is important for Ahsoka to understand Sabine’s obsession with looking at the message left by Ezra.
3 - I love the idea of what this could look like but if I remove the sequence with the space whales I lose the credibility of the story when Ahsoka is looking for a way to find Sabine in part 2 of my project.