So, here are my thaughts after watching the complete first act.
The general structure works just fine and has a good flow to it. Also, the dialogue change from Corellia to Seatos had me baffled. I knew it was coming, but it sounded so clean that I didn’t notice the change.
The only piece that really stood out to me was Shin’s sudden appearance on Lothal. But I suppose you cut her send-off to Lothal because you eliminated the droid battle at the temple. Speaking of which, I liked that you dropped the fight, but maybe you could add Ahsoka’s attempt to contact Huyang back in. The cut to the cockpit felt a little quick.
Other than that, I would suggest reworking the “end”. The scene with Sabine’s hologram feels redundant. I think it would be better if we had her suit up and join Ahsoka at the painting. This way you wouldn’t need to mention the Corellia mission as an excuse for the hologram.
I imagine a scene order like this could work.
-Dissection of the droid’s brain; cut right after the mention of Seatos
-Space Stonehenge
-Huyang and Sabine chat in the med bay followed by her gear up
-The arrival of the energy core
-Sabine joins Ahsoka at the painting
Alternatively, I would consider cutting both the med bay chat and the arrival of the energy core and revert back to a version of the “Brain surgeon” scene that has Hera cheer up Sabine. The arrival of the energy core scene simply does not add anything and you would save the reveal of the ship until the heroes discover it themself.
Thanks for the feedback.
I agree that Shin’s appearance on Lothal is sudden, but as you say, in order to cut the Ahsoka-droid battle I also need to cut the scene where Morgan, Baylan and Shin appear at the temple remains. I may well have to put those scenes back in. I cut them primarily to avoid having consecutive light saber-heavy scenes.
I like the idea of cutting the energy core scene and may run with that by moving the Seatos map scene there instead. The only issue that creates is having to run multiple separate Lothal scenes together.
The Sabine hologram scene feels essential to me. We have the unexplained history of Sabine ending her training so I feel we need that little scene as the turning point in her relationship with Ahsoka - they’re putting the past behind them and reuniting to find Ezra. It a very short scene so has no impact on runtime and it provides a spacer between Sabine suiting up in her apartment and appearing at the mural.
I agree that I may need to put the Huyang-Sabine med bay scene back in to show why Sabine decides to re-start her training.