Not sure how the quality of v4 compares to v3, since I have no comparison at hand.
That’s alright! 😃
Most of the time the issues are repeated words, at the beginning of sentences/paragraphs, which should be avoided at all cost.
That’s a lot of what I’m trying to fix in the text for the V4s currently.
I would also completely remove any mentions of what characters are thinking. Intentions are debateable, since it is, as you said, on a smaller scale than clone wars, but thoughts of a character should be omitted.
This is a very good point…
Overall I do like them and I think they are needed for additional information or to explain things that might have been cut, although the writing style does not remind me of Star Wars and immediately brings me out of the immersion.
I agree here. I’d considered cutting them out but realised they could be very helpful. I think you’re correct about the writing style… my main focus is to get across the information with the size that my text is… hahaha.
Out of interest, I put your first opening into ChatGPT and told it to rephrase it in a style similar to the star wars opening crawls:
The 2nd version reads a lot more “Star Wars”-y. It does embellish quite a lot, is rather long (and should be shortened) but in my mind it sounds more like something the Clone Wars narrator would say.
This is a very interesting point that I hadn’t considered…
I think I’m going to play around with this idea. If it improves the overall immersion and feel of the edit I’m down for it! 😄