That drawing for the ancient texts looks excellent, really great stuff! Should tie that idea together really nicely.
If you mess with Jannah at all, JarJar, these were the changes I was considering for her if you’re looking for ideas:
Finn: I never knew there were more.
[Old Line] Jannah: Deserters? All of us here were stormtroopers.
[New Line V1] Jannah: All of us stormtroopers heard your story.
[New Line V2] Jannah: All of the stormtroopers here heard your story.Jannah: We laid our weapons down.
Finn: All of you?
[Old Line] Jannah: The whole company.
[New Line] Jannah: Just like you.
I’d love something like this, if it can be integrated well. This stood out to me as a massive missed opportunity in the theater and I know many others felt the same. The new AI lines have a lot less crust, it’s impressive stuff. Kylo’s “You’re a ghost. In a rotting clone.” is just about seamless, for one. (Though I’m very much on team cut-the-clone-line. I’d still advocate for the older “rotting shell/husk” idea. I think the vat of Sheevs does enough.)
Honestly, though, I’m against the use of AI-generated performances in general-- especially for commercial use-- but tentatively speaking, non-profit fanedits like this feel like a unique use case to me. Especially with something that could use as much work as TROS. Still, I think it’s definitely wise to remain cautious.
But, at the risk of ignoring my own opinion, I’ve been thinking of an opportunity to tie a few story threads together with an extra line or two in the training flashback sequence.
“She was quick to learn in our training. But as we sparred, a shadow would pass over her. In the end, Leia felt she could better serve the galaxy through diplomacy, as our mother once did. She surrendered her saber to me and said that one day, it would be picked up again, by someone who would finish her journey.”
In juxtaposition with the shot of Leia kicking her brother in the gut and throwing him to the ground, this could imply a struggle with her own pull to the darkness, and their shared concerned look afterward takes on that subtext. This would add another dimension to her wanting to help Rey work through her inner struggle. (Maybe she even regrets her own decision to shy away from the Jedi Path. She learns from her failure and passes it on to her student! Themes!)
I’ve condensed things as much as I could, to avoid overcrowding the narration. Still, here’s the maximalist version, just in case it inspires any other ideas.
“She was quick to learn in our training. We’re our father’s children. For better and worse. As we sparred, a shadow would pass over her. In the end, Leia chose to serve through diplomacy, as our mother once did, and the parents that raised her. She surrendered her saber to me and said that one day, it would be picked up again, by someone who would finish her journey.”
The thought wass that this further emphasizes family legacy, including family of choice, which is significant to this movie in particular. However, including it all would make for too much computer and not enough actor, and most likely tip things into the uncanny and distracting-- just the sort of thing DZ-330 was talking about. Ah well.
(Clearly, the answer is to get Mark Hamill to read it all.)