I’ve watched it back a few times and it now feels like Sabine has more of an emotional collapse as she sees help arriving. Shin still clearly wins the duel, so that plot point is retained.
It seems to work and I’ll edit out references to the lightsaber injury in the medical bay.
When you put it that way, I think that is a satisfactory work around. You did good on removing all the references. But there’s still the shot right before she collapses, where you can see Sabine has a hole on her back from where the saber went straight through her.
I tried masking out the wound and sent you the clip via PM if you want to use it.