Fair enough on the first paragraph being too succinct. I could definitely include something about the Republic there. Though, I am attempting with this short first paragraph to make the crawl work with Williams’ original 3 part crawl music, so the episode number, title, and spacing should be seen as part of the first paragraph, so a four line first paragraph is essentially seven lines for musical timing purposes.

And yeah, the Republic should be explained more, but straight out saying that they won’t help doesn’t endear them to the audience who needs to care that they are destroyed by the end.

Here’s a version that mixes a few of my prior efforts in a new way. Since I’ve abandoned the idea for a 9 line second paragraph, I think it makes everything a lot more readable.

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

The Republic is in crisis.
Luke Skywalker, last of
the legendary Jedi Knights,
has vanished.

Emboldened by Luke’s
absence, Imperial legions
bearing the mark of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of a hidden fortress to
destroy anyone seeking
the Jedi’s return.

In staunch RESISTANCE,
a band of rebels armed
in secret by the Republic
has sent its daring pilots
across the galaxy, vowing
to find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…