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Post #1542145

Author
EddieDean
Parent topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [COMPLETE]
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1542145/action/topic#1542145
Date created
4-Jun-2023, 11:49 AM

(RE)RELEASED - S02E02 - Retribution (V2.1)

  • RELEASE VERSION (at last!)
  • Our second episode of season two, formerly called ‘Massacre’ in my edit.
  • Comprising the original episodes Lair of Grievous and Massacre, with a couple of minutes from Brothers.
  • Running 34 minutes.
  • DOWNLOAD LINK is in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.
  • Note: It’s recommended that you download this before watching, rather than streaming it directly from Google Drive.

Update: This episode now has new dialogue to help smooth the two main plotlines and make the whole more cohesive. It feels much more solid now.

This episode is a continuation of the plotline established in the Nightsisters arc, which leads into the Savage/Maul plotline to follow. It’s placed here to allow us to eagerly anticipate and get to Maul within this season, and to make Ventress’ reaction to the events of the Nightsister arc come fairly soon afterwards.

It merges the plotlines of Lair of Grievous and Massacre, to present an all-new story. Lair of Grievous contained some interesting texture and good villainy for Grievous, but had a lot of filler and its emotional core wasn’t strong enough to stand alone. Massacre was always great fun, but it was really Dooku that had the personal grievance against the Nightsisters, not Grievous. So what I’ve done here is had Ventress leak the location of Grievous’ base to the Jedi, as a vengeful strike against Dooku and his war. Here that event is what now draws the Jedi to Grievous’ Lair (rather than pursuing Nute Gunray as in the original), triggering the events of Lair of Grievous. And now, when Grievous initiates the Nightsister massacre in Massacre, the events there (including Ventress and Grievous’ one-on-one duel) are more personal. This also builds on their dislike of each other as seen in the Domino Squad arc. Having Ventress be more directly responsible for the fall of the Nightsisters also adds a new layer to her guilt, which plays nicely with her original lines about this being all her fault, and helps justify the softening of her character that we see later.

Since Grievous has no visible mouth, and Dooku has his back to the camera quite a lot when he’s in hologram, I was able to do a lot of audio work to keep referencing the Nightsisters throughout the Lair of Grievous content.

I also end this episode with some scenes originally from the beginning of Brothers (where Savage finds Maul), showing Savage getting closer to finding Maul and having Dooku and Grievous ominously show further concern. My intention here is to create some anticipation and continue to make this show feel more serialised than anthology. (I’m not sure quite how well this works, so interested in feedback here)

Noteworthy changes (new changes in bold):

  • This episode is titled ‘Massacre’ after the original episode, since I think it’s a good straight-to-the-point threat. However, now that this version includes some additional content which serves to make the plot more of a series of revenge strikes, I may rename it ‘Retribution’ after I’ve done a bit more work to polish this.
  • The opening crawl reestablishes the risk facing the Sith with the various unexpected a results of the failed attempt to kill Ventress. It explains that Ventress leaked Grievous’ location, and makes explicit that it was only her that could have leaked it - which I needed to help explain why Grievous and Dooku tie the strike back to the Nightsisters.
  • We open on Ventress returning to Dathomir, and being told by Talzin that she should become a Nightsister.
  • Cut to Kit Fisto entering Grievous’ lair and them finding all of his weird artefacts, Grievous arriving, their first combat (where Grievous loses his legs), Fisto deciding to flee but being stopped by Grievous locking the doors, and Grievous undergoing his painful repairs.
  • Transition from Grievous’ repairs into Ventress going through a similar procedure as she’s healed and purified by Nightsister magics, becoming a true Nightsister herself.
  • Return to Grievous’ Lair, where he takes a call from Dooku. NEW: Used AI and alternate lines to make it clear that they know that Ventress/the Nightsisters are behind this, and that they need revenge so Grievous should mobilise his fleet - but that first, Grievous must deal with the Jedi
  • Grievous kills Nahdar and Kit Fisto unlocks the doors, and I moved round some scenes so it looks like the right number of clones get killed without needing the fire pit or monster.
  • After Kit faces Grievous and flees, Grievous is now free from dealing with the attack on his base. Dooku calls again. NEW: Dooku now congratulates Grievous, tells him that Ventress has returned to Dathomir, and urges him to hurry to attack the Nightsisters.
  • NEW: Added back some establishing shots to help bridge the passage of time.
  • NEW: Reintroduced scenes of Kit Fisto reporting to the Jedi - but used AI lines for Yoda to tie Kit’s experiences in to the overarching plot of retribution begetting more retribution.
  • Back to the Nightsisters celebrating and getting immediately attacked by Greivous, and then the rest of Massacre plays out, with the only changes being making Talzin the one who raises the undead army instead of Old Dahka.
  • Brief cutaway after the plot concludes, to Savage hunting for Maul. NEW: Instead of cutting away to Talzin (who should be incorporeal), used her dialogue over shots of Savage being guided by the pendant, to keep her aethereal, and give them more of an active conversation.
  • End on the original Massacre episode’s ending, with Dooku sensing a darkness rising.