Post #1537867

OK, I watched Book 1 and I haz notes.

First off, this is splendiferous. Absolutely amazing in every way imaginable. This is positively fantastic. I am anxious to see what you do with another go-to because there are tiny issues, but overall, wow, wow, WOW! I’m just in holy-moly town here because WOWZA! Just whoah! This ish is seamless. Seamless editing, but for one or two issues in each of the following areas the music was exquisitely chosen, there were zero continuity errors – which let me tell you is BY FAR the biggest issue I find in most fanedits, even the best of them, and extraneous scenes. I do have some suggestions, but overall, dang, dang, dang. I am just blown away.

I mean, seriously, this is just stupendous work. I can’t wait to watch the rest. (Although based on the ending, I did sneak a quick peek at the beginning of 2 and have a thought/suggestion on that too.) OK, onto the notes, but please, do not take any of these in any way to not think that I’m not flabbergasted by how magnificent a job you did. (I know you won’t based on your response to others, but I still wanted to repeat again how amazing a job you did.)

• The flashbacks with the pauldron were way too brief. I just don’t think they’re long enough; in fact, they were so short, I found them distracting. It was like, ‘Was that supposed to be something there? or was there a glitch in the editing?’ I only knew they were flashbacks from reading this.

• It didn’t make sense having Din offer to give Kuiil money and tell him “you deserve this.” All we saw was Kuiil barter for a bleurg, one really easy scene of Din figuring out how to ride a Bleurg, and the one scene of them riding together on a pretty vista. That was it. So what did Kuiil do to deserve it? Cutting the offer of money and that line and beginning with the next, I think, would work much better.

• Din calls the bounty droid “IG-II” (although the name is cut off, but still he clearly intended to call him that name) when he tells him to stop shooting at him in his first line to him. He has no way of knowing that’s his name. All we saw/he heard was IG announcing he was getting the bounty and his protocol. He didn’t say his name. Plus, that dialogue reads overly familiar, as part of ongoing dialogue. The next line, “I’m in the guild,” might work better as his first line to IG-11, and it makes sense in that situation too.

• If you want to trim time, cutting down on more of that gunfight is a way to go. It drags a bit. Not your editing, just the fact that it’s more and more popping up, more shooting, lather, rinse, repeat.

• Personally, I’m very glad you kept the Jawas/egg stuff. It seems to get cut a lot. I enjoy that. But, the cut from Kuiil with the face palm about the egg to them in the Jawa tanker is very noticeably an edit cut. Could be smoother.

• The mudhorn freeze from Din’s POV is SOOO very good. Powerful AF!

• Hmmm, so I know that you mentioned you cut some of Kuiil’s “I have spoken” because he said about a million. I wonder if there was one after he thanked Din for bringing “peace to my valley.” As I was watching it, I really expected an “I have spoken” there and thought it would be beautiful and fitting. And then he didn’t say it. It was disappointing. I know he said it a few sentences later (where it was also fitting, and their goodbye), but without that “I have spoken” after “peace to my valley,” it felt like something was missing. I dunno, maybe that’s just me and he didn’t even say it there and I was just expecting it. Did you cut it? Was it even there? If you did, I would suggest putting that one back.

• Including the prison episode stuff was such a fabulous idea – and fabulous job, by the way, in removing Grogu from it because dang, you did good! I know he wasn’t in it much, but still! That job did so much for Din in terms of character development, plus it was a great set piece on its own and showed quite the insight into his past and the awful kind of people he associated with. And the decision to NOT save Grogu before that mission was truly a stroke of genius. It works so dang well. It makes his reasoning for why he goes back just… aaaahhhh! Chef’s kiss! However, I have a few thoughts on perhaps making that whole bit maybe work a bit better.

• a) Zero, the droid (I think that was his name), getting the info about Mando’s mission, re: Grogu, can be cut because it’s unnecessary now since the subplot of the droid going after Grogu is gone.
  b) I know you had thought of leaving the fate of Mayfield and Quinn(?) ambiguous. I absolutely think you should in this way. Do as you did with Mayfield, end on the scene with Quinn saying “you’re a man of honor.” Cut to Din shooting Zero, then Din in space flying, boom cut to Nevarro. THAT shows him as a man of honor. Which leads to him rescuing Grogu. He (presumably) left the two behind for the NR to deal with, got rid of the droid, and then went back to save Grogu. In other words, there’s no point to go back to point-man big boss, the NR fighters, the boom, blow-up. That’s an extraneous scene with characters that needed follow-through in the episode, but in this format, it’s really not necessary. In fact, you could trim some of the intro of the boss-man with Mando too. Just a thought.

• You noticed I took out Kuiil/IG-11 above. We don’t see the fruit of that in this Book, so cut that out and place it somewhere in Book 2, or alternatively place it earlier in the film.* It just really sticks out of place. We are long gone from Kuiil at this point so it really makes no sense to have it here.

• *I know you’ve said you’re not sure where you would place it. I was looking and it could be placed right after the scene where Din’s armor is reforged, and before he goes to see Karga if you wanted to keep it in Book 1. Two things being fixed/replaced. Din was talking about the mudhorn, Kuiil was part of the mudhorn experience. IG-11 was a bounty droid, Din is going to the bounty guild bar. So there is a connection all around there.

• When Mando is walking to rescue Mando before he gets to the carrier, the music is too sweet. It just doesn’t fit at all. I don’t know, maybe the Mando music would work there. Something else, because that just doesn’t work.

• Absolutely gorgeous use of the bbMando flashbacks with the carrier and then intercut with Mando and bbYoda. I was just AGOG! I knew it was coming, but still… dear lord, it WORKED SO WELL!! AAAHHH! SO, SO, SOOO GOOD! However, there should have been a longer beat holding on Mando after the flashback where the music stilled to a softness, a sweet piercing note perhaps and just held before BOOM rising and going into action mode with Mando.

• Finally, the ending, I had some issues there. As you have it now, the emotional beat of the ball was just completely lost, we have the ball moment with Grogu aww, but then Din goes to hyperdrive, OK, it’s over, but wait, no, now he’s going into space somewhere else, and then he’s looking at a planet on the display and we’re on the planet. Oh, and now they’re landing. Oh, and here’s some cute Din/BB banter. Aww, cute, ok, they’re checking out the planet. Oh, wait, it’s over? Oh, OK, then. Alright. It just was way too much, too many in a span of like a minute. And it didn’t have that strong of a punch as an ending. And considering how spectacular everything else is, this should have a spectacular ending.

• I would suggest instead: Grogu and Din in the cockpit, Grogu and the ball, go to Hyperdrive and into space, SWs theme and THAT is your ending. Period. You’ve got the emotional heartstrings (Grogu and the ball) and then the WHOOSH! of hyperdrive and classic stars of space of Star Wars. Then going into Book 2, begin THAT with the cockpit, looking at the planet, flying over, widow looks up, Razorcrest lands, Mando tells him to stay put, Grogu follows, ‘What the hell?’ they walk out, swipe to young Boba, we get all of that, and then to the village we count as the passage of time as intended by ending Book 1 on this. IMO, that works much better. A lot punchier ending for Book 1, and opens Book 2 ON Mando.

Phew! That was a lot!

So yeah, there you go, still, overall, fantastic. Truly! I’ll get to the others when I have time. Can’t wait. (And I do hope you consider my idea for Pershing in S3.)