I feel your pain.
If I had money and privacy, I’d just pay for it. Unfortunately, both are in short supply.
I already paid for it sixteen years ago. Didn’t particularly enjoy it. It also made me realize that I’m far more interested in giving pleasure than in receiving it, making it unlikely for me to pay for sex again. I want there to be reciprocity, me wanting to pleasure a woman who’s into me as much as I am into her.