This feels like the best crawl so far-- dense with info without feeling forced. Introducing the Republic early does helpthe second paragraph flow better.

I feel like while “Rejoicing in Skywalker’s downfall” does set the right sinister tone for the First Order, it might point too heavily toward later revelations about Luke’s arc following RotJ, where the rest of the movie teases out the mystery. “Skywalker’s abscence” might be a suitable more-neutral phrase. Then again, the First Order having apparent knowledge of said downfall establishes a mystery of its own which gets resolved later, so the trade-off may be worth it.

I would also suggest changing “the return of the Jedi” to “the Jedi Master’s return” or something similar-- with “the last Jedi” already present in the next paragraph, two title drops in one crawl feels a bit too “winking” to me. It would also reaffirm his goal of restoring the Jedi Order, and his prospective role as a mentor to Rey later on.

In a non-crawl-related note, I’ve gotten an idea in my head lately about Rey’s Dark Side connection in the duel which I can’t shake. I’ve been imagining the blue-red flickering on her and Kylo’s faces resolving to primarily red as she taps into that power-- paralleling the color symbolism when Kylo chooses the Dark in the previous scene.

I’ve made a rough mock-up here: https://streamable.com/4t9fi6

It may be overkill to add something like this on top of the new score and sound work, but I thought it was interesting enough to be worth sharing-- and I’m sure someone with more experience could execute the concept better.