I love what you are going for in the crawl, but in my opinion (not right or wrong at all!), I think it is a little wordy. I try to keep the paragraphs to 6 or 7 lines and 4 to 6 words per line to match the average length for the other saga crawls. I tried to make the text a little more concise but keep your goal intact:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

The New Republic is in crisis.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by Luke’s absence,
sinister Imperial agents have
risen from a hidden base as
the mysterious FIRST ORDER,
proclaiming that anyone who
seeks the last Jedi’s return
shall be destroyed.

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a small band of rebels has
sent its most trusted pilot
to Jakku, where a clue has
been discovered that can
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…