I checked again the bar scene and I think it looks fine, if I didnt know I wouldnt guess it was trimmed so much, I’d say it Looks natural. For me it looks like Andor was looking for some fun there, and when those two guys started to talk sh*t to him, he Just backed off, wanting to avoid any trouble.
About those Mon Mothma scenes - tbh, I didnt even notice that u cut that much, so probably it wasnt that important after all. I also think that the best, most important and interesting stuff with her was in later episodes, so I’d assume we will see more of her in the 2nd Episode (that part of the Season was so good that I kinda feel that your Episode II of Andor will be my favorite fanedit 9f yours 😄).
About the crawl - as Arabian said, it’d be better if it was trimmed. Also the 1st parapgraph seems a bit long and for me, it sounds pretty off. Too many adjectives/adverbs I think (but since Im not a native speaker, I wont be really able to help with any precise suggestions).