Looking at the other official crawls, they do like their exciting language. So you could maybe have the Queen’s request be “urgent” and/or the Jedi being dispatched “swiftly” or “urgently”. You could also do something to imply the Trade Federation have arrived in a “stunning” or “bold” fashion. So here’s an example adding a bit more fruit to the language. (I’m also not quite sold on painting the Republic’s history as a golden age, so trying something I feel is a little tighter and more exciting.)

The Galactic Republic is failing.
As corruption spreads, Queen
Amidala of Naboo stands as a
vocal champion of democracy.

Sensing an opportunity to sieze
profit and power, the greedy
Trade Federation has boldly
surrounded her wealthy home
planet with a fleet of deadly
warships.

At the Queen’s urgent request,
the mystical Jedi Knights have
swiftly dispatched Qui-Gon Jinn
and his apprentice to the planet,
seeking to protect the peace
and ensure the safety of her
people…