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The Clone Wars: Refocused [COMPLETE] + Subtitles for season one! — Page 77

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g00b said:

I haven’t seen the arch in a long time, but is there an angle you could take where say its only from Anakin’s perspective? (if you wanted to cut things down) It’ll paint Clovis in a much worse light I’d feel and although some of the political parts may be lost it could prove to help reduce the episode to it’s better parts
(not sure how viable this idea is, given I haven’t seen the arch in a while)

Just to address this directly, I did consider it. I looked into trimming most of the first episode and explaining Padmé’s investigation via the crawl, starting when Anakin breaks her out of prison. But I don’t think we can start with Padmé in prison without seeing the steps that take her there. We know she likes a caper, but I felt like we really needed to see it - plus to see Clovis’ introduction as the arc flows around him.

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Good news! I managed to cut Fives’ capture out of Tup’s death scene, which means he keeps a hold of Tup’s chip, so we don’t have to have him captured and freed again, and can focus on the investigation as they sneak around.

This was a tricky one - lots of audio work because the main tracks had a voice echo in them, and lots of shots of other characters in the background. But it works!

Here’s a comparison clip.

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Really pleased with today’s progress on the Order 66 arc.

Since I was able to remove Fives getting captured from the scene where Tup dies, I’ve got the final two episodes - the second half - down to bang on 30 minutes. I don’t care too much about the length, but really what that trim means is that I’ve been able to keep the pacing of the investigation plot high, so the audience’s focus gets to stay on the intrigue. Fives’ investigation is fully intact, as is most of his tense attempt to get the message to someone he trusts on Coruscant.

I’ve done more in that section to keep the mystery a secret for the viewer. Originally, the audience know from quite early on that Nala Se is in league with the Separatists, and that the Separatists are behind everything. Instead, I’ve kept that offscreen, so that the audience knows only as much as Fives does, so the mystery is higher. Nala Se acts in a way that’s totally valid as someone who wants to cover up a potentially costly mistake, until the very end, where I’ve merged her earlier call with Dooku with her later call with Dooku to have her revealed as a co-conspirator only after Fives is dead, leaving the secret buried (and hanging over the series).

This way, we get the added bonus of discovering that the Jedi may be behind it at the same time as Fives, and having that as a valid supposition for the audience too - we know, after all, that a Jedi ordered the army. This makes Shaak Ti seem a little suspicious too, as the Kaminoan correspondent and the one who brings him to Palpatine before the Jedi.

Until the end, anyone could be responsible - including the possibility that Fives is simply wrong and that the chips (while secretive) are benevolent, and it was indeed a virus causing his and Tup’s erratic behaviour. The tension feels a lot higher like this, and it flows well. There’s a conspiracy without a known conspirator, that gives us momentum all the way through until it gets covered up, and then we learn it’s a worst-case scenario where Sidious behind it all and that it’s some sort of long-planned trap for the Republic.

I also trimmed a shot of the flying whales, the redundant taxi driver conversation, a little of other clones hunting for Fives while he’s at the clone bar (though they’re still seen and searching), and Palpatine being a little too sinister. I also took out a few lines where Fives references Palpatine or says that this goes “to the very top” (though it’s still clear that this is a conspiracy at a very high level) - we just get a bit more plausible deniability from our main characters if Palpatine hasn’t been directly implicated.

I think I’m calling this episode Good Clones Follow Orders, but as usual, I’m open to suggestions.

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I’m also planning on checking out a slightly different re-ordering in seasons two and three, with the main goal being to have Maul as an active threat to the galaxy for longer, to slightly pace him better, and to give Ahsoka just a little break in a string of more traumatic experiences.

I’m not quite ready to announce that change formally, as I need to watch it through myself first to see if I need to change any references, but the second tab of my spreadsheet (titled “Ordering working sheet”) shows the planned new ordering, with moved episodes having the letter ‘m’ after their episode number. If anyone’s curious, that is.

We’re nearing the endgame so I’d really like the full end-to-end show to be ready for those who’ll pick it up then.

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I’m rendering a workprint of the Order 66 arc now, so I can check over how the complete new narrative plays out.

My issue with the original finally clicked too - it’s inherently a mystery story, but with no mystery. It’s a 90 minute arc, but where ten minutes in you see the bad guys who are behind it discussing exactly how they’re involved, so there’s no mystery for the audience whatsoever. It’s not fun to watch a character spend 80 minutes catching up to what the audience already knows. (I mean, you could argue that about a prequel series, but that’s not the point! 😉)

Anyway, the entire plot now plays out in pretty much the exact same structure, we just focus on Fives’ perspective so the mystery can unfold for the audience in real time. I did some good condensing work on the second episode too, merging three scenes of Fives in his medical room to just one. That was tricky, as I had to keep the placement of the characters consistent.

Hopefully have this finished today, or tomorrow at the latest.

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Is it possible for you to use a similar technology lucasfilm used for kenobi for Vader’s voice to replicate palpatine’s voice for the seasons that had Tim curry as the palpatine to sound like Ian mcdiarmid

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It’s not something that registered to me as a major issue that needs fixing, and I don’t have any knowledge about how to do it, but I’d incorporate clean alternate voice lines if anyone did the work to produce them.

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EddieDean said:

Awesome, hope you enjoy and feed back!

I’ve seen that clip, I don’t expect to use it though, mostly because I won’t have a place in the narrative for it. But if one becomes apparent, then sure!

Just spitballing, but you could use a few flashes from it as a “vision” when Ashoka is on the ship bridge and sense’s Anakin’s fall. Something like: she’s holding at her forehead, a few flashes of the duel in TCW style (maybe with Latner’s “what have I done” in place of Duel of the Fates from the video) and then back to when she whispers Anakin’s name.

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RELEASED - S04E07 - THE RENEGADE (v2.0)

  • RELEASE VERSION.
  • Our seventh episode of season four.
  • Comprising the original episodes The Unknown, Conspiracy, Fugitive, and Orders (the Order 66 arc).
  • Running 54 minutes.
  • DOWNLOAD LINK is in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.
  • Note: It’s recommended that you download this before watching, rather than streaming it directly from Google Drive.

This is the full Order 66 arc, which is a quite popular arc involving the investigation of a clone whose Order 66 protocol triggered early. I’m using this episode as season four’s ‘Clones vs Loyalty’ plot, which I’ve been putting one of in each season so far. (Usually they focus on Rex, whereas this one focuses on Fives, but Rex gets the message at the end and that leads into his actions in the series finale.) It’s fairly decent, but there are two main issues I sought to address:

Firstly, it’s written as a mystery story, presenting its main character (Fives) with many different possible answers - brainwashing, a virus, a tumour, the Jedi, the Kaminoans, etc - but within the first ten minutes of the original arc the mystery is spoiled for the audience by a cutaway that has the bad guys behind it all discussing exactly what it is. This takes a load of momentum out of the story. I’ve remedied this by removing all cutaways to villains explaining the plot, unless they’re acting non-villainous and just discussing the mystery as a mystery. This way, we only learn what Fives knows and what others propose as possibilities (plus the possibility that it’s innocent and Fives is also suffering a similar affliction), so it’s a mystery for the audience too. Only at the very end, after the plot is concluded, do the audience get to see that the Sith believe they’ve caught the Republic in a trap - which hangs over the series from there.

Secondly, there were a lot of unnecessary tangents, which took more momentum out. Tup is captured but then saved, Fives goes in and out of Tup’s room a lot, Fives gets captured and escapes, Fives leaves Tipoca city and returns - all of it just took away from the excitement of the investigation and his attempt to get what he learns to someone he trusts.

Now, the pacing is tight, the investigation is in focus, and the energy is high.

Noteworthy changes:

  • The episode is titled ‘The Renegade’, a term used to describe Fives in the episode (and also potentially a misdirect for Tup early on), plus it sounds cool, and it also serves to remind us that the clones can act individually, a plot point which continues to be relevant through to the conclusion.
  • The episode is placed here as it’s just a natural place for it - after losing Ahsoka and dealing with the fallout, and reminding the audience of the state of the war in the Scipio arc, the show now starts to focus much more deeply on the mysteries of the Clone Wars and the continued threat of Mauldalore.
  • I use the crawl to emphasise the relationship/trust between Jedi and clones, the individuality of many in the 501st, and to lightly set up the opening scene and this episode’s theme.
  • From The Unknown, I removed the scenes of Admiral Trench reporting Tup’s killing of Tiplar to Dooku. (It probably still happened offscreen, but the audience shouldn’t see it.)
  • I also removed the entire second half, where Tup gets captured by Trench then rescued. Now, when the clones say they’ll take him to Kamino, we transition right there.
  • From Conspiracy, I streamlined a lot. Fives’ three conversations with AZI-3 have become just one, covering most of the same beats, though with a little less of AZI-3’s goofiness (here and throughout the edit). Fives’ initial motivation for wanting to run the brain scan on Tup came a little out of left field initially - we rejoined a conversation halfway through - so in this instance I’ve had it appear more that he’s frustrated with AZI-3 for not ensuring his medical opinion got actioned to save his friend, with the escalation for Fives only coming when he hears that Nala Se wants to terminate Tup.
  • I’ve shifted a few scenes around to avoid a lot of redundant repeated dialogue (the arc has a lot of cases where two people will discuss something, then one of them will go and discuss the same thing with someone else). The scene where Shaak Ti reports to the Jedi carried all of the information about the mystery and characters’ intentions, so that’s the one I kept, placed a little earlier.
  • We still see Nala Se and Lama Su attempt to terminate Tup (as the audience were told was their plan when Shaak Ti reported to the Jedi), but now without knowing that they side with the Separatists, this can be read as either their legitimate medical opinion, or them seeking to protect their corporate secrets/reputation (we know from an earlier arc that they’re at least a little corrupt in a capitalist way).
  • To remove Fives getting captured, escaping, leaving Kamino, and returning, I cut his capture from Tup’s death scene. That scene now transitions into a time-of-day change re-estabilshing shot, to imply time has passed. I shifted the scenes of Shaak Ti realising the alarm was in the medical bay to just before that scene, plus the scene of her later getting a report that nobody’s escaped the planet to after the time-shift, to help sell time passing. (This gives Fives time to get away from the medical bay and lost in Tipoca city.) We then rejoin Fives as he acquires a disguise, ready to investigate this further.
  • As a note, the above also lets us remove the idea that Fives is going to be mind-wiped. Mind-wiped? Do Kaminoans have that technology? Feels a bit out of left field.
  • From Fugitive, it’s mostly just trims for pacing and to remove a few cutaways to villains. As a note, now that we don’t know who’s behind all this, when Fives realises that a Jedi ordered the clone army, that moment hits harder and puts more suspicion on the Jedi/Shaak Ti.
  • Most of Orders is intact. The main change was removing Fives telling benevolent characters that the conspiracy goes ‘all the way to the top’, because that would give the Jedi and Anakin reasons to distrust the Chancellor, which I think is just one little step too far, for obvious reasons. It’s still implied that the conspiracy goes very high, though.
  • I also trimmed a shot of the flying whales, the redundant taxi driver conversation, a little of other clones hunting for Fives while he’s at the clone bar (though they’re still seen and searching), and Palpatine being a little too sinister in a couple of scenes.
  • I merged the final scene of Dooku talking to Shaak Ti (from his perspective) with another of their conversations (from hers), to give more exposition to the audience (and in particular remind us that the creativity in the 501st clones is a slight risk to the Order 66 plans, which is relevant in the series finale). Now it’s finally clear that Nala Se has been working all along to cover this up on behalf of the Separatists, and ultimately succeeded. Dooku’s happy, Sidious is happy, the Republic is in jeopardy.

I’d appreciate reviews of this one, as it has a lot of moving parts.

Onwards to the Sifo-Dyas episode, which only needs one cut so should be a quick turnaround.

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Man, I’m really nearing the end now. I count a maximum of nine episodes I need to make - perhaps ten if I add an optional full-length Siege of Mandalore - but only three of those require any real work. I should get two of those done this week, then the final one of season four hopefully two weeks later.

I still need to go back and polish a few episodes round the middle of my series, and respond to a couple of elements of feedback on the more recent episodes, but it’s awesome to feel so close to completion.

Just gauging interest - once I’m done, would anyone like to watch through this together over a period of weeks? I could either do it live so we could chat (round 8:30pm UK time, which is 3:30pm Eastern USA) or just make a regular post here to give us something to orbit around? Might be nice to do in the run-up to the Ahsoka show.

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EddieDean said:

It’s not something that registered to me as a major issue that needs fixing, and I don’t have any knowledge about how to do it, but I’d incorporate clean alternate voice lines if anyone did the work to produce them.

The reason I was hoping it was possible was because Tim curry feels badly miscasted as palpatine his tone is right but the voice takes me out because I don’t hear palpatine I hear Tim curry.

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Fullmetaled said:

EddieDean said:

It’s not something that registered to me as a major issue that needs fixing, and I don’t have any knowledge about how to do it, but I’d incorporate clean alternate voice lines if anyone did the work to produce them.

The reason I was hoping it was possible was because Tim curry feels badly miscasted as palpatine his tone is right but the voice takes me out because I don’t hear palpatine I hear Tim curry.

I get it; I just never registered it as being too noticeably different myself. It’s not something I have the skills for, but as I say, I’m happy to include it if given replacement lines.

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Does anyone have the technology or similar to the technology lucasfilm used for Vader’s voice in kenobi and Luke in the mandalorean and book of boba fett?

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RELEASED - S04E08 - THE LEGACY OF SIFO-DYAS (v2.0)

  • RELEASE VERSION.
  • Our eighth episode of season four.
  • Comprising the original episodes The Unknown, Conspiracy, Fugitive, and Orders (the Order 66 arc).
  • Running 24 minutes.
  • DOWNLOAD LINK is in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.
  • Note: It’s recommended that you download this before watching, rather than streaming it directly from Google Drive.

This is a simple edit to The Lost One, which is normally treated as the first episode of the four-part Yoda’s Quest arc, but stands alone so I’m treating it as its own episode here.

Noteworthy changes:

  • The episode is titled ‘The Legacy of Sifo-Dyas’, for the intrigue of finally learning more about him.
  • The episode is placed here as we’re pretty much just locked in to release order now. I’ve split it from the rest of Yoda’s quest because it does stand alone (with quite a solid conclusion that doesn’t transition cleanly into that arc’s second episode), and to let us pace the Mauldalore content around it.
  • I use the crawl to tie it just a little more explicitly to the preceding Order 66 arc, and to help explain Dooku’s later appearance, which is necessary because-
  • As usual, I’m removing a scene which links Sidious to Palpatine, which was originally used to bring Dooku into play.

Onwards to another episode which I should be able to turn around quickly.

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(SORT OF) RELEASED - S04E09 - SON OF DATHOMIR

  • AVAILABLE NOW.
  • Our ninth episode of season four.
  • Comprising an audio comic version of the canonical Darth Maul: Son of Dathomir comic, created by Audio Comics and The Lore Master on Youtube.
  • Running 41 minutes.
  • Viewable on Youtube, but its link, and a link to a tool which can DOWNLOAD it, are in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.
  • LEGAL NOTE: The Youtube channel providing this fan video asks you to support the original release.

Not technically an EddieDean release, because I’m just pointing you to the appropriate video on Youtube.

This is a very important episode, that many will have overlooked. It’s a canon story, intended as a Clone Wars episode, but released as a comic instead after the Clone Wars got originally cancelled.

It is a vital and exciting step in the Mauldalore plotline, taking us from Maul’s capture to his location in the series finale, as we learn why Sidious chose to spare Maul, and we see the conclusion of Mother Talzin’s presence in the Clone Wars. Plus there’s Mandalorians, jetpacks, and lots of villain-on-villain action. It’s great.

Audio Comics and The Lore Master on Youtube have adapted the material from its original comic format into what they call an ‘Audio Comic’, turning it into fully voice acted visual story, dynamically showing the panels from the comic and including Star Wars sound effects and music, to give us the most accessible and enjoyable version of this canon story. They do this for almost every Star Wars comic out there, and it’s incredible work.

Though it’s a non-commercial fan release, I did ask for permission to include it in my edit, though they didn’t reply. This is fairly moot, however, because I’ve been unable to access the file in my editing software, so have been unable to give it the usual TCW:R trappings. Since the episode is freely available online, I’ve decided to skip trying to fix that right now, and instead chosen to focus on the next episodes. I’ll see what I can do about this sometime in the future.

Onwards to our season four finale, Yoda’s Quest!

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Working on Yoda’s Quest now. The original plays out as follows:

  • Yoda follows Qui-Gon’s guidance to Dagobah
  • Yoda enters the Dagobah cave, where he sees a vision of future turmoil
  • Yoda awakens on Dagobah, then sets out for the force planet
  • On the force planet, Yoda meets the force-emotion people, fights dark Yoda, then has a vision of tranquility, which ends with Dooku striking him
  • Yoda awakens on the force planet, then sets out for Korriban
  • On Korriban, Yoda meets an illusion of Darth Bane
  • CUT AWAY TO Sidious and Dooku discussing an ‘opportunity’ to attack Yoda spiritually
  • On Korriban, Yoda goes deeper, then is drawn into a spiritual conflict with Sidious and Dooku
  • Yoda awakens on Korriban, then returns to the Jedi temple

Like with Mortis, I’m not a big fan of being able to materially travel to spiritual locations, so I’d like at least to replace Yoda waking on Dagobah with Yoda waking within the force planet (there’s a perfect shot for this, and it skips his initial discussion with the force-emotion people, while keeping them present and more mysterious).

But then I have two options - Yoda can either awaken from the force planet ‘vision’ (when struck by Dooku) on Dagobah, then fly to Korriban for real, or the Korriban section can remain a vision also.

The advantage of having the Korriban sequence also be part of Yoda’s vision is that I can place the scene of Sidious and Dooku spotting an ‘opportunity’ earlier, so that the ‘tranquility’ Dooku’s strike is what draws him into the Korriban section of his journey. That’d work nicely, as there’s also a useful ‘Yoda opens his eyes on Korriban’ shot.

But the disadvantage there would be the (loose) implication that Sidious can access Yoda when he’s doing spiritual stuff in the Dagobah cave.

Actually, writing that, I’ve realised it’s moot - Sidious needs the Dooku connection (a drop of his blood) to intervene in Yoda’s quest, which he doesn’t have after the Clone Wars. No conflict. I think that’s better.

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RELEASED - S04E10 - THE COSMIC FORCE (v2.0)

  • RELEASE VERSION.
  • Our tenth and final episode of season four.
  • Comprising the original episodes Voices, Destiny, and Sacrifice (the Yoda’s Quest arc).
  • Running 51 minutes.
  • DOWNLOAD LINK is in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.
  • Note: It’s recommended that you download this before watching, rather than streaming it directly from Google Drive.

This is an excellent episode and the original (unintended) season finale of the show.

While fairly heavily restructured, I’ve only really made one significant change - turning the visits to the force-planet and Korriban (“Moraband”) into parts of Yoda’s vision in the Dagobah cave. The vast majority of the content is preserved this way, we just retain more mysticism by keeping these ‘locations’ more ambiguous. Korriban I didn’t have too much problem with being real, but (1) the force-planet beings appear there too, (2) Lots of spiritual stuff including another force vision (which takes Yoda to yet another place) happens there, and (3) the scenes back on Dagobah made a better bookend to the arc.

As I say though, all of the key beats are preserved, and any important mystical dialogue from a cut scene has found its way into another natural location.

Noteworthy changes:

  • The episode is titled ‘The Cosmic Force’. I didn’t intend this when I edited Mortis into ‘The Living Force’, but the two do make a natural pairing, and where Mortis’ beings are metaphors for the material world, Yoda’s story is more purely spiritual, so it fits nicely.
  • The episode is placed here as we’re pretty much just locked in to release order now. I’ve split it from the first episode of the original four-part arc because it does stand alone, and to let us pace the Mauldalore content around it.
  • I use the crawl to link us back to the current knowledge of Dooku being behind the clone army (now that we’ve spent an episode away following the Mauldalore plot).
  • From the first episode, I just trimmed the reference to Mortis by name, since it no longer appears in my edit.
  • From the first and second episodes, I trimmed two references to midichlorians, just for those who prefer them not mentioned.
  • I transitioned from the force cave on Dagobah to Yoda waking up on the force-planet, skipping him travelling there materially and his first dialogue with the force-planet beings. I preserved the dark Yoda fight, and improved an existing poor transition (probably for a commercial break).
  • After Yoda has the vision of tranquility, and is struck by Dooku, I instead cut to Dooku instead of Yoda, showing that he may have felt that moment - treating this as the triggering incident which Sidious exploits. This wasn’t strictly necessary, but I think it was a neat addition.
  • I removed the final scene of the force-planet beings congratulating Yoda on the force-planet (though moved their important dialogue elsewhere), and removed the flight to Korriban. I also removed the snake made of snakes and the Sith cultists, mainly because they’re not so important, but also because, as this episode makes clear, life after death is not a Sith thing. It also would have left me with an awkward transition.
  • Yoda then awakens (after being struck by tranquil Dooku) on Korriban. I would have changed the dialogue from calling it ‘Moraband’ into Korriban, though ultimately I took out the references. It’s still Korriban, sure, but it’s also mostly a vision for Yoda, so it’s up to you how you headcanon this.
  • Yoda still encounters Darth Bane, since as he says, Bane is an illusion, not someone alive after death. Plus, it’s cool. I then skip over him encountering the force-planet beings again, though I use some of their dialogue over his meditation on Korriban, implying that they’re more manifest in their own ‘domain’, whatever that means.
  • The plot then continues as before, with Sidious and Dooku setting the spirit-world trap, Sifo-Dyas, and Yoda and Anakin fighting Sidious on Coruscant.
  • Now though, as Yoda sort-of wins the fight, and struggles with the Sidious cloak and falls, do the force-planet beings’ voices tell him about balance, and “there is another skywalker”.
  • Yoda emerges from the Dagobah cave (from the first episode of the arc), which works nicely here too as he’s talking about how powerful Sidious is.
  • As a bonus bit of fun here, I realised I had the force-planet beings saying “Yoda, come back to us Yoda” as a bit of spare dialogue, which is said exactly word-for-word by Qui-Gon as Yoda emerges. So I overlaid the two, just like I overlaid Qui-Gon and The Father saying “He is the chosen one” back in my Mortis episode. Why? Why not! Read into it whatever you like. I kinda like the implication that all of these beings exist within the cosmic force, so there’s overlap of identities.
  • Qui-Gon escorts Yoda back to his ship, and I changed the dialogue there so he tells R2 “we’re going home”, but I kept the line about how their journey’s just begun, because now it takes a new meaning as a spiritual journey.
  • We end on the original final scene of the arc, with Yoda talking to Obi-Wan and Mace in the temple garden.

Onwards to another episode which I should be able to turn around quickly.

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Wow EddieDean! Great Work! Another Season done! 😄 So keen to see what comes next! 😄

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I just looked and saw your first post was less than two years ago. This is one hell of an accomplishment in that time!