^^ thanks guys! i try. maybe too hard lmao
DominicCobb said:
Having Ben leave Tatooine is a really bold idea. But having him loop back into helping Leia is tricky for sure. One of those things that could have worked if it was written that way, but proves an issue through fan editing. I’m still not sure the leap from Ben on his own to helping Leia is quite working.Here’s an idea I had though. Since you have Ben on Tatooine as a little prologue by itself, and you’re already jumping perspective after the title card, what if you took it further? What if after the title card, you let the Leia storyline play out up until her capture. Then we cut to Kenobi on the ring world, and he senses her kidnapping? That way it doesn’t feel as if Ben has his vision straight after leaving, like in your last version, and he doesn’t have the coincidence of being on Daiyu already like in the new version. And we don’t have the somewhat random cutting back and forth between storylines of the original show.
Coincidence aside though, I do feel like Obi-Wan on Daiyu first de-emphasizes the leap a bit? I’m not married to it just yet, but idk, I can buy that Obi-Wan would at least take a look around if he sensed she was on the planet. He can be disillusioned about himself without being completely indifferent to Leia’s fate. The nature of the setpieces on Daiyu also lend itself to the idea that Ben is not doing this as a dutiful Jedi guardian, but merely as “just a man” (as Flea says) who cares for this little girl.
It was harder to reconcile when he was willing to travel planets to get to Leia - not to mention still so in tune with the Force as to sense that distance - but him [reluctantly] scoping it out because why not and becoming invested when things work out, doesn’t really contradict the previous character beat. It’s a huge coincidence but I think it’s one of the few options from my initial choice on Tatooine that can work with it thematically. We could just chalk it up to the Will Of The Force! The coincidence as the call to action itself.
Daiyu’s imagery as symbolic of his spiritual decay feels neat too. This context gives the initial meandering around Daiyu more specific emotional meaning than just establishing a tone and setting. He chose this by leaving Luke, this is all he has to look forward to.
Re: Alderaan, I could still do that even with the coincidental Daiyu - but I’m hesitant to start integrating them because I think it interrupts the tone I want to achieve. The few WIP attempts I have at least, don’t feel great. Trying to match it with the preceding material using the de-score only feel disingenuous to what those scenes are meant to evoke. Not to mention Ben sensing it then feels redundant and indulgent, and there’s only so many ways for Ben to become involved without a call from Bail.
Speaking of shifting perspectives, I’m not sure the Vader stuff is working for me yet. I really like how you cut that first scene with him, but it feels like a non sequitur with the surrounding scenes, especially because there’s no dialogue in it. I wonder if you could include the Reva hologram and try to incorporate it into that part of the story? With Vader masked and Reva’s back to the camera in a few shots, there’s some room to play with dialogue replacement to make the scene fit. The later scene of Vader is a fun reuse of that scene, although I wonder if it raises the question of why isn’t he on Daiyu?
Yeah, that Reva idea is another one I have in WIPs. I’ve definitely been able to play around with the dialogue, I’ll post a clip tomorrow maybe, but unless I make Reva the puppeteer of Leia’s abduction again (which I’m not opposed to fwiw), the scene would feel like a non-sequitur to its surrounding scenes either way.
I do agree that it’s not there yet, but I think having him around this early, and affected by the past paralleled with Obi-Wan, does a lot in subliminally grounding the edit in their relationship guilt. It’s the strongest part of where the show’s narrative resolves IMO, so I want to keep it front of mind throughout, informing all of Vader and Kenobi’s decisions.
Also, love the way you’ve descored things, gives a very different feel. Your use of new music works well too (love bringing back the Fallen Order Inquistor theme), although I’d be careful about using music with themes that don’t match what’s on screen, for example, the scene of Ben digging up the sabers and Luke sleeping, while the music fits, I just know straight away that that’s the Guardians of the Whills theme.
That’s fair haha. I did try to make the themes fit as much as I could, for what it’s worth. The Whills theme, on top of sounding like Across the Stars meets Binary Sunset, I even figured had a name that was Jedi/Force relationship adjacent, which arguably and vaguely describes Obi-Wan’s Not Quite A Practicing Jedi state. It’s… a stretch lol, but I have been aware.
To be honest, I don’t expect to find perfect solutions, it’s all very give and take, but it’s not like the original material is not without its own logical flaws and missteps. (otherwise why edit) If I’m fixing some of those and replacing them with others, at least I’m expressing my own sensibilities and limits with that kind of thing. I want this be technically sound and seamless of course, but from a story perspective, I can let some things go if it’s more in line with the story I want to convey