NFB, I’m really impressed with your creativity, and a lot of this works really well.
Having Ben leave Tatooine is a really bold idea. But having him loop back into helping Leia is tricky for sure. One of those things that could have worked if it was written that way, but proves an issue through fan editing. I’m still not sure the leap from Ben on his own to helping Leia is quite working.
Here’s an idea I had though. Since you have Ben on Tatooine as a little prologue by itself, and you’re already jumping perspective after the title card, what if you took it further? What if after the title card, you let the Leia storyline play out up until her capture. Then we cut to Kenobi on the ring world, and he senses her kidnapping? That way it doesn’t feel as if Ben has his vision straight after leaving, like in your last version, and he doesn’t have the coincidence of being on Daiyu already like in the new version. And we don’t have the somewhat random cutting back and forth between storylines of the original show.
Speaking of shifting perspectives, I’m not sure the Vader stuff is working for me yet. I really like how you cut that first scene with him, but it feels like a non sequitur with the surrounding scenes, especially because there’s no dialogue in it. I wonder if you could include the Reva hologram and try to incorporate it into that part of the story? With Vader masked and Reva’s back to the camera in a few shots, there’s some room to play with dialogue replacement to make the scene fit. The later scene of Vader is a fun reuse of that scene, although I wonder if it raises the question of why isn’t he on Daiyu?
Also, love the way you’ve descored things, gives a very different feel. Your use of new music works well too (love bringing back the Fallen Order Inquistor theme), although I’d be careful about using music with themes that don’t match what’s on screen, for example, the scene of Ben digging up the sabers and Luke sleeping, while the music fits, I just know straight away that that’s the Guardians of the Whills theme.