Just watched the first twenty minutes. As you said, there are a few spots to clean, the most notable one to me being when Obi-Wan is confronted by the bounty hunters. For the most part, I have only small things to say. The biggest one I feel would make sense is to keep some of Leia’s lines during Kenobi’s Force vision, specifically the “My father will rescue me! He’ll send a whole army!” part, since you’ve kept her lines about the army later.
Another scene Id suggest keeping is Obi-Wan getting the toy from the Jawa. I think it’d slot nicely on the last day before Owen throws it back at him, like in the original show. As is, the toy feels kind of random.
Apart from that, other than some choppy editing here and there (the Inquisitors scene, some transitions), it mostly works and it’s far better than the actual show Disney gave us. Definitely looking forward to more.