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Post #1488421

Author
sherlockpotter
Parent topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1488421/action/topic#1488421
Date created
13-Jun-2022, 12:17 PM

I like it a lot - like RL said, the dialogue sounds natural; and I enjoy the subtle reference to the Falcon from the stormtroopers - but (nitpicking) it feels a little awkward to base it all around the one hangar. “Sir, she’s 100% heading for this hangar, no doubt about it!” “Sir, she, uh…she wasn’t there. So most of us left.” “OH WAIT CRAP SHE’S THERE NOW MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!

Maybe make it more vague - “Sir, the prison level is on lockdown. All troops are on alert; she won’t escape.” “Sir, Captain Phasma has ordered a full sweep of the base. She can’t hide forever.” “Sensors triggered in Hangar 718. We’re searching the area.”