(Rey moves to other levels)
“My Lord, we’ve detected a vessel landing in sector 12, but all ships are accounted for.”
“Put every hangar on lockdown! She’s going to try and steal a ship to escape!”
…
“Han Solo.”
One little niggle there… doesn’t Han have some line about “If we fly any higher they’ll see us”? So if they were detected anyway, that would mean Han went crashing through the forest for nothing. Maybe something like “Sir, Phasma believes the prisoner may have slipped past us.” “Put every hangar on lockdown…” Or maybe “Sir, a proximity alarm has been set off in Sector 12.” “Put every hangar…” (That way we explain both Kylo’s thought about the hangar, but also his realization that it’s actually Han come to play.)
Or, spitballing here, what if the scenes were rearranged a little, so that Finn and Han have already broken into the base. It cuts from Han shooting that one stormtrooper to the officer telling Kylo, “Sir, blaster fire has been detected on the lower levels.” “Put every hangar on lockdown, she’s going to try and steal a ship to escape.” And then he senses that it’s not Rey firing shots, it’s his pop. That could also add a bit of tension to Han’s stealth mission, knowing that their cover was blown by that shot.
I really like that first bit with the stormtrooper though!