I’ve just got some great line readings from him now, so I’ll be busy going through and editing them. But in the meantime, an important test.
Nice. Definitely foreshadows the McMuffin in TROS.
I like the new test, too. I do think that the extra line isn’t totally necessary, but any new bits that could be added is cool too.
Also, I’m assuming you’re trying to get “General” to line up with his original mouth movement for “Jakku”. But yours has a pause between General and the rest of the line, whereas his mouth movements don’t show him ever pausing. In the original scene, he says General as he is walking up, pauses, then says “Jakku village was wiped out”. I feel like it would be better to try to keep “General” in the original placement, if that makes sense.
For reference, the original lines for extra line for the officer.
“-found his X-Wing, destroyed. Blaster marks-“
Maybe we could think of something else that would better fit. Or edit the mouth movements? May not be worth the trouble.