…and I’ve lost all this morning’s work, its backup, and the post I’d written about it.
CRY
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Qui-Gon’s Noble End starts playing
My preferred Skywalker Saga experience:
I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX
If only there were some save button I could have clicked, to somehow preserve my progress!
Either way, I’m not restarting from nothing, it’ll be reproducible, it’s just work. I’ll get there!
I feel good about this edit, I’m excited to share it.
OK, my new edit of the intro is available now. 16 minutes long, but the main changes are the first ~8 min.
IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT JAR JAR’S VOICE AT THE END OF THIS POST.
PLEASE READ BEFORE WATCHING.
So, this edit isn’t quite complete, but that’s as much as I could get done today, and it’s decent enough to share for feedback.
While it might sound like a fairly radical edit of the intro, this still contains the vast majority of context from the original. We don’t have the Jedi on the Neimoidian ship, but we preserve most of the context that’s relevant to the plot, and what’s mostly lost is their action scenes (but we still get three Jedi action scenes in this intro). We also don’t have Otoh Gungah, which is mainly used to justify Jar Jar’s involvement, which isn’t required with alternate voice lines.
My feeling is that this flows very logically and naturally. Specifically, taking the criticism of my first attempt to heart, I first sought out the scenes which best flowed together, then ordered them to best control the flow of information for the viewer. I think it’s now a lot clearer, and emphasises many core plotlines - Neimoidian boldness, Sidious’ influence, Amidala’s role, and the goals of the Jedi. And the tension and viewer excitement is held for longer, so the energy levels are good.
But also, on pacing, it feels a lot more like the OT - specifically A New Hope. If we compare the two, Queen Amidala is our Death Star plans, which makes Naboo (not the Neimoidian ship) our Tantive IV which must be escaped in order to start the plot properly. The Jedi must get the Queen to Coruscant = the good guys must get the Death Star Plans to the Rebellion. ANH spends the first ten minutes on the Tantive IV (with an exciting pursuit-and-capture, clarifying the core conflict, worldbuilding, and kicking off the main plot). It then spends six minutes with the droids on Tattooine for lighter jeopardy and worldbuilding, then introduces Luke at minute 16. Now, this introduction spends the first eleven minutes on Naboo (with an exciting invasion-and-chase, clarifying the core conflict, worldbuilding, and kicking the main plot). It then spends five minutes in space for lighter jeopardy and worldbuilding, then introduces Anakin at minute 16. IT LIKES’S POEMRY. IT’S RHYTHM.
Also, while you don’t want to rush through the film at all, and you want to keep it to a decent length, trimming the opening like this also achieves two things: It gets Darth Maul in play earlier, so he can hang over the plot for longer; and it helps identify the main character - Anakin. The rest are supporting cast, with enough character that we understand and care about them, but after this intro the main bulk of the film from here is really Anakin’s story, with his actions driving the plot.
Oh, and I also intend to borrow a few other nice touches from Hal’s version for this intro - removing the droid’s weird scream as it’s force pushed, and the weird ‘does not compute’ dialogue.
IMPORTANTLY-
I haven’t finished the Jar Jar voicework yet. When you watch, please bear in mind the following: Jar Jar’s motivation (whether he’s already a representative or just a regular Gungan) is that he thinks Queen Amidala is a great leader and he wants to do what he can to protect her. There’s lots of lines in TCW that support that, that I’ll work to include soon. (He’s not necessarily a competent protector and he’s still goofy, but his heart’s in the right place and importantly HE HAS A MOTIVATION NOW.)
In place of the voicework I’ll do soon, I’ve just put in some of my existing Jar Jar alternate voice lines for now, which don’t always fit the context (he knows the Queen’s captured before she gets captured, for example), but hopefully they should serve to remind y’all that different things are being said at those moments, without it being too jarring. Importantly, one thing I’ll add is Jar Jar immediately identifying Qui-Gon as a Jedi, to help the audience make the same connection back to the crawl.
Anyway, have a look, BUT REMEMBER THE JAR JAR STUFF ISN’T FINISHED
What is lost in my edit of the intro (above) is scenes of the Jedi being diplomatic- both with their intentions with the Neimoidians and their interactions with Boss Nass.
I suppose that raises the question of how important seeing them in that role is, balanced against the value gain of (IMO) a better paced and flowing opening to the saga.
Their main goal is still protection of the Queen, arguably the most political of their onscreen actions, and they still demonstrate a key role as defenders of the Republic. We do see them interact diplomatically during other scenes in this movie (with Watto, on Coruscant, and with Boss Nass later), plus in future movies, so I don’t think too much is lost by trimming it as I have.
Compare again to ANH, where the Jedi aren’t explained until we meet Obi-Wan, and we don’t develop his force abilities until the mind trick later.
We also lose a little of their force sense by dropping the “something elsewhere, elusive” conversation, but again, that’s demonstrated elsewhere, through Qui-Gon’s dialogue when they rescue the Queen (“there’s someone else behind this”) and I’ve nudged it a little more by mentioning the Jedi Order’s foresight in my crawl.
But still. All for discussion.
I like it, especially the thread about the ambassadors and some of the new JarJar lines, but the following still stand out to me as (unavoidable?) issues:
The number of quick scenes make it feel a bit choppy.
How did the Jedi get to the planet? Why are they in the woods?
Do we have to tip our hand w Sideous so early? I’d ideally like to see Dooku instructing them, setting up the overall Separatist threat, then reveal that he’s secretly taking orders from elsewhere in Ep2.
I’ve got to agree with vranir’s Dooku point. I think the most ideal edit of TPM would have Dooku instructing the Separatists. Though I don’t know how this could be feasible.
I like it, especially the thread about the ambassadors and some of the new JarJar lines, but the following still stand out to me as (unavoidable?) issues:
- The number of quick scenes make it feel a bit choppy.
I’ve not shortened any scenes here, at least by much, so that’s an interesting one. I wonder what gives it that feeling?
- How did the Jedi get to the planet? Why are they in the woods?
For reasons! I don’t know, to be honest, because this was more about seeing whether or not the scenes flowed in this order without the Jedi on the Neimoidian ship. (Logic should be present, but it’s secondary to the energy and interest flow of the movie itself, or at least wasn’t the first goal of this test sequence.) I’m open to suggestions for how to justify it. I don’t think we need to explain how they got there necessarily - there’s no explicit reason why they shouldn’t be, and we don’t need to explain everything. But why they’re in the woods? I don’t know. I dropped the word “secretly” into the crawl to imply they’re heading in secretly for whatever reason (maybe they fear that there’re already Trade Federation agents in the city?) You could pretty much stick anything in the crawl so long as it’s not too convoluted, supplemented with Jar Jar lines if possible.
This leads a little into how to handle the Jar Jar angle. I’ve got a lot of alternate voice lines to play with, but it’d be nice to think about our options. With this introduction, the invasion is NOT already in play, nor is Padmé already captured. Plus, they definitely appear to stumble upon Jar Jar by chance, and their dialogue is less flexible than his so it probably needs to remain a chance meeting. I’ve always liked the idea of changing Jar Jar into already being a representative (as he becomes by his next appearance), but perhaps that’s one coincidence too far, and the better motivation for him sticking around is just ‘Jar Jar likes Queen Amidala’.
In that case, having Jar Jar audibly identify the Jedi early is good, and then having him say “I’m going to help the Queen” before Qui-Gon replies “That won’t be necessary” would fit nicely for both characters, with them accepting him temporarily when he explains he can guide them into the city later (“City? Can you take us there?”) That, plus Jar Jar’s help in Naboo in finding the Queen, is probably the best path to explain why he sticks around that isn’t a radical change.
- Do we have to tip our hand w Sideous so early? I’d ideally like to see Dooku instructing them, setting up the overall Separatist threat, then reveal that he’s secretly taking orders from elsewhere in Ep2.
In terms of adding Dooku, we’re walking into more radical territory here. If someone had workable Dooku footage that’d certainly be worth consideration, though it’s certainly beyond my abilities.
We don’t need Sidious necessarily, though, and you could trim him out easily enough, though you would lose some context in so doing. Personally though, I like Sidious early, because the Neimoidians aren’t particularly threatening on their own, and it’s interesting to imply that there’re darker politics at play during this crumbling Republic. As much as I’ve presented a fairly significant change with this intro edit, I think a fairly conservative approach is quite sensible. The more I watch TPM, the more I understand the decisions made during the process - I’ve come to believe it’s mainly just the editing that’s not very exciting, rather than the collective bag of ideas.
I’ve got to agree with vranir’s Dooku point. I think the most ideal edit of TPM would have Dooku instructing the Separatists. Though I don’t know how this could be feasible.
It’d be interesting for sure, and probably stronger for it, but you’re wrestling against far more challenging practical concerns with that particular idea. That said, Christopher Lee has starred in over twelve billion films, so decent AI voice and face models are more reasonable than for some other actors in the series. Best of luck to anyone who fancies picking that idea off the shelf!
I’ve never liked it when prequel edits try to make Palpatine being Sidious less obvious. I feel like that’s actually something positive about the prequels. It’s the whole Hitchcock “tension is better then surprise” kinda thing. It’s more thrilling to see the villain being there working behind the scenes the whole time and the characters not suspecting anything. It allows the audience to admire Palpatine for his planning, manipulation and two-faced nature. I’d rather have more character development for Palpatine then a surprise.
There’s not really any way Lucas could’ve done it without it being obvious anyway. It’s the same actor. He’s the old guy who becomes Chancellor. Of course it’s the Emperor. Lucas isn’t JJ Abrams, he doesn’t try to make everything into a cheap surprise. So he chose to ring out the tension and show Ian McDiarmid’s strength as an actor.
OK, my new edit of the intro is available now. 16 minutes long, but the main changes are the first ~8 min.
IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT JAR JAR’S VOICE AT THE END OF THIS POST.
PLEASE READ BEFORE WATCHING.So, this edit isn’t quite complete, but that’s as much as I could get done today, and it’s decent enough to share for feedback.
While it might sound like a fairly radical edit of the intro, this still contains the vast majority of context from the original. We don’t have the Jedi on the Neimoidian ship, but we preserve most of the context that’s relevant to the plot, and what’s mostly lost is their action scenes (but we still get three Jedi action scenes in this intro). We also don’t have Otoh Gungah, which is mainly used to justify Jar Jar’s involvement, which isn’t required with alternate voice lines.
My feeling is that this flows very logically and naturally. Specifically, taking the criticism of my first attempt to heart, I first sought out the scenes which best flowed together, then ordered them to best control the flow of information for the viewer. I think it’s now a lot clearer, and emphasises many core plotlines - Neimoidian boldness, Sidious’ influence, Amidala’s role, and the goals of the Jedi. And the tension and viewer excitement is held for longer, so the energy levels are good.
But also, on pacing, it feels a lot more like the OT - specifically A New Hope. If we compare the two, Queen Amidala is our Death Star plans, which makes Naboo (not the Neimoidian ship) our Tantive IV which must be escaped in order to start the plot properly. The Jedi must get the Queen to Coruscant = the good guys must get the Death Star Plans to the Rebellion. ANH spends the first ten minutes on the Tantive IV (with an exciting pursuit-and-capture, clarifying the core conflict, worldbuilding, and kicking off the main plot). It then spends six minutes with the droids on Tattooine for lighter jeopardy and worldbuilding, then introduces Luke at minute 16. Now, this introduction spends the first eleven minutes on Naboo (with an exciting invasion-and-chase, clarifying the core conflict, worldbuilding, and kicking the main plot). It then spends five minutes in space for lighter jeopardy and worldbuilding, then introduces Anakin at minute 16. IT LIKES’S POEMRY. IT’S RHYTHM.
Also, while you don’t want to rush through the film at all, and you want to keep it to a decent length, trimming the opening like this also achieves two things: It gets Darth Maul in play earlier, so he can hang over the plot for longer; and it helps identify the main character - Anakin. The rest are supporting cast, with enough character that we understand and care about them, but after this intro the main bulk of the film from here is really Anakin’s story, with his actions driving the plot.
Oh, and I also intend to borrow a few other nice touches from Hal’s version for this intro - removing the droid’s weird scream as it’s force pushed, and the weird ‘does not compute’ dialogue.
IMPORTANTLY-
I haven’t finished the Jar Jar voicework yet. When you watch, please bear in mind the following: Jar Jar’s motivation (whether he’s already a representative or just a regular Gungan) is that he thinks Queen Amidala is a great leader and he wants to do what he can to protect her. There’s lots of lines in TCW that support that, that I’ll work to include soon. (He’s not necessarily a competent protector and he’s still goofy, but his heart’s in the right place and importantly HE HAS A MOTIVATION NOW.)
In place of the voicework I’ll do soon, I’ve just put in some of my existing Jar Jar alternate voice lines for now, which don’t always fit the context (he knows the Queen’s captured before she gets captured, for example), but hopefully they should serve to remind y’all that different things are being said at those moments, without it being too jarring. Importantly, one thing I’ll add is Jar Jar immediately identifying Qui-Gon as a Jedi, to help the audience make the same connection back to the crawl.
Anyway, have a look, BUT REMEMBER THE JAR JAR STUFF ISN’T FINISHED
Just got a peek. My first thoughts are that the first few scenes are really dull and boring. This is one of the biggest problems I have with the political stuff for Episode I, in general, and the absence of action amplified that problem.
However, the intro started to pick up once Jar Jar arrived (Never thought I’d say that in a sentence so, congratulations), and the rest of the intro is a general improvement over the last one. I’m not sure how I feel about Amidala thanking R2 and Jar Jar’s first conversation with Padme, but that might be bias on my part. Otherwise, this one is on the right track.
I think the big challenge is gonna be how to handle the political aspects without dulling the senses. We do need to have something that gives us an understanding of the conflict, so it’s not like we can just remove it all. But at the same time, I think getting down to the planet sooner would be ideal. I’m not sure how to acheive that balance, so I’m curious to hear what others might say before I attempt anything.
I have altered Lucas’ visions. Pray I don’t alter them any further.
I’ve never liked it when prequel edits try to make Palpatine being Sidious less obvious. I feel like that’s actually something that makes the prequel trilogy really work. It’s the whole Hitchcock “tension is better then surprise” kinda thing. It’s more thrilling to see the villain being there working behind the scenes the whole time and the characters not suspecting anything. It allows the audience to admire Palpatine for his planning, manipulation and two-faced nature. I’d rather have more character development for Palpatine then a surprise.
There’s not really any way Lucas could’ve done it without it being obvious anyway. It’s the same actor. He’s the old guy who becomes Chancellor. Of course it’s the Emperor. Lucas isn’t JJ Abrams, he doesn’t try to make everything into a cheap surprise. So he chose to ring out the tension and show Ian McDiarmid’s strength as an actor.
The prequels are really built around the idea that the audience is familiar with the fates of its characters already, so it does feel a bit silly to mask them for surprise value.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
Just got a peek. My first thoughts are that the first few scenes are really dull and boring. This is one of the biggest problems I have with the political stuff for Episode I, in general, and the absence of action amplified that problem.
However, the intro started to pick up once Jar Jar arrived (Never thought I’d say that in a sentence so, congratulations), and the rest of the intro is a general improvement over the last one. I’m not sure how I feel about Amidala thanking R2 and Jar Jar’s first conversation with Padme, but that might be bias on my part. Otherwise, this one is on the right track.
I think the big challenge is gonna be how to handle the political aspects without dulling the senses. We do need to have something that gives us an understanding of the conflict, so it’s not like we can just remove it all. But at the same time, I think getting down to the planet sooner would be ideal. I’m not sure how to acheive that balance, so I’m curious to hear what others might say before I attempt anything.
Useful feedback, thanks! Ultimately, the intro of this movie being boring is one of its biggest issues, and I think likely one of the big turn-offs for 1999 moviegoers after so long anticpiating the excitement of a new Star Wars. That’s what I think all of these attempts at the intro are fundamentally trying to fix.
I see where you’re coming from regarding the opening politics. I had hoped/felt like at least opening with immediate destruction of the ambassador’s ship might give us enough high energy to carry us through the following couple of scenes - at least here they feature tension rising as the invasion swiftly materialises. I’d be interested to know from others here what combination of scenes from the first act would make the most compelling opening to the movie. If you start on armies landing that’s pretty fun, but then you’d have to have the Jedi meeting Jar Jar before almost anything else, which puts a lot of expositional pressure on their meeting, plus the need to have it conclude with a sense of momentum.
Regarding Palpatine, I’d argue that it’s likely not a mystery that he becomes the emperor. When Amidala says that they need his help, most of the audience is going to think “Oh no.”
That said, it doesn’t have to be immediately obvious that he’s truly behind everything going on. If set up the right way, the audience can piece the truth together at the same time as the characters. To me, that’d be a more interesting journey - thinking that we’re rooting for the bad guy because he’s helping against the other bad guys but then realizing that he was behind everything all along.
I liked it, especially Jar Jar’s new lines, thats a massive improvement. The only thing I would add is a line like this after the ambassadors ship exploded: “Sir, two escape pods have been launched right before landing.” This would explain how the Jedi were separated in the forrest, add a bit of tension, because we know the Jedi will show up any minute and connect the opening scene to the following Zoom-meeting with the Queen. It would also amplify the impact of the explosion, if we have a character reacting to it.
“Vader! Hologram, now!”
Oh, that is a good one. It’s at the easier end of VFX too to just show a couple of escape pods launch.
I just watched over the original TPM opening and goddamn it just plods and plods. It saps all of your energy away. The Neimoidian ship stuff is fairly poor, but the Otoh Gunga content in particular just stops the story in its tracks.
I’m certain that Otoh Gunga has to go. And that’s feasibly fixable via Jar Jar dialogue.
What’s lost in doing that though, is the context about the Gungans and Naboo land-dwellers not getting along, so you lose some of the context that’s paid off later when Boss Nass reappears and is won over by Padmé.
I was thinking about this a little more, and wondering what could be done. Potentially, we could allude to it a little plus explain the Jedi starting in the swamp if they’re on the planet (and near the swamps) to broker peace between the Gungans and Naboo. This would demonstrate their role as diplomats, and be a plotline that’s paid off later.
Challenge there would be that you could only carry that information in the crawl.
Which then got me thinking - what if the entire movie is framed as the story of Naboo? In many ways it is - it begins and ends there, and the Tattooine and Coruscant sections are about Padmé trying (albeit failing) to get help back to the planet.
If the entire story was centered on Naboo, that’d be quite easy to grasp - the jeopardy is to the citizens, and our main characters are ultimately working towards saving it from the Trade Federation (and shadowy benefactor). The audience would need less politics up front, but through the lens of Naboo the plot would slowly (in this movie and beyond) expand to a more galactic scope - which I think is fitting for the movie which comes chronologically first.
Perhaps then the crawl could be almost entirely Naboo focused, something like:
The planet Naboo is in danger.
The Jedi Order, mystical wielders
of THE FORCE and defenders of the
Galactic Republic, have foreseen
a crisis.
As tensions mount, Jedi Knight
Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice
have been dispatched to the
planet’s swamps in an attempt
to broker peace between the
people of Naboo and the native
Gungans.
As Naboo’s Queen Amidala, champion
of the people, waits, the greedy
TRADE FEDERATION have massed a
deadly fleet around the remote
world, the Republic’s Supreme
Chancellor has sent a small team
of ambassadors to defuse the
situation…
I’d be interested to know from others here what combination of scenes from the first act would make the most compelling opening to the movie.
I suggested this before, and I still think that the fan film Darth Maul: Apprentice could have some usage here. Just start it with a bang and put a few scenes of Maul killing some jedis and make it seems like he is on Naboo. Soo, here, this could be a good reason why Qui Gon goes to Naboo in the forest area (since Maul fights the other jedi in the forest in the fan film), implying in the crawl that Qui Gon goes to Naboo seeking a jedi killer or something. Just an idea, though.
I just watched over the original TPM opening and goddamn it just plods and plods. It saps all of your energy away. The Neimoidian ship stuff is fairly poor, but the Otoh Gunga content in particular just stops the story in its tracks.
I’m certain that Otoh Gunga has to go. And that’s feasibly fixable via Jar Jar dialogue.
What’s lost in doing that though, is the context about the Gungans and Naboo land-dwellers not getting along, so you lose some of the context that’s paid off later when Boss Nass reappears and is won over by Padmé.
I was thinking about this a little more, and wondering what could be done. Potentially, we could allude to it a little plus explain the Jedi starting in the swamp if they’re on the planet (and near the swamps) to broker peace between the Gungans and Naboo. This would demonstrate their role as diplomats, and be a plotline that’s paid off later.
Challenge there would be that you could only carry that information in the crawl.
Which then got me thinking - what if the entire movie is framed as the story of Naboo? In many ways it is - it begins and ends there, and the Tattooine and Coruscant sections are about Padmé trying (albeit failing) to get help back to the planet.
If the entire story was centered on Naboo, that’d be quite easy to grasp - the jeopardy is to the citizens, and our main characters are ultimately working towards saving it from the Trade Federation (and shadowy benefactor). The audience would need less politics up front, but through the lens of Naboo the plot would slowly (in this movie and beyond) expand to a more galactic scope - which I think is fitting for the movie which comes chronologically first.
Perhaps then the crawl could be almost entirely Naboo focused, something like:
The planet Naboo is in danger.
The Jedi Order, mystical wielders
of THE FORCE and defenders of the
Galactic Republic, have foreseen
a crisis.As tensions mount, Jedi Knight
Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice
have been dispatched to the
planet’s swamps in an attempt
to broker peace between the
people of Naboo and the native
Gungans.As Naboo’s Queen Amidala, champion
of the people, waits, the greedy
TRADE FEDERATION have massed a
deadly fleet around the remote
world, the Republic’s Supreme
Chancellor has sent a small team
of ambassadors to defuse the
situation…
This could fit nicely with the treaty that legitimates the Neimodian occupation of Naboo. The Neimodian would basically frame their invasion as a security force. That would surely strengthen them as villains, because Putin is employing the same narrative right now, but I’m not sure how I feel about this connection.
On to another, less depressing note, I actually had a rather similar idea for a 3 in 1 edit a while ago, that puts the opening of AOTC first. The Federation jumps at the opportunity and blame the Gungan for the assassination, ally themself with the Naboo and blockade the planet, only to occupy it. In the mean time Palpatine has steped in as the new Senator of Naboo and the Jedi are send to force a diplomatic solution.
“Vader! Hologram, now!”
Which then got me thinking - what if the entire movie is framed as the story of Naboo? In many ways it is - it begins and ends there, and the Tattooine and Coruscant sections are about Padmé trying (albeit failing) to get help back to the planet.
If the entire story was centered on Naboo, that’d be quite easy to grasp - the jeopardy is to the citizens, and our main characters are ultimately working towards saving it from the Trade Federation (and shadowy benefactor). The audience would need less politics up front, but through the lens of Naboo the plot would slowly (in this movie and beyond) expand to a more galactic scope - which I think is fitting for the movie which comes chronologically first.
Great minds think alike, Eddie! That’s exactly what I did for my edit, although my crawl is different:
"It is a dangerous time for the people of Naboo. The greedy TRADE FEDERATION has established a blockade of warships around the planet and threatened her people with starvation.
Concerned about the threats, the newly elected QUEEN AMIDALA has asked the chancellor to send two jedi, a knight and an apprentice, to settle the dispute.
Little knowing that the evil NUTE GUNRAY is planning an invasion of her home planet as he obtains more power throughout the galaxy…"
Of course, my edit has the jedi fighting at the station, so I’m not sure how well it works for this scenario.
I have altered Lucas’ visions. Pray I don’t alter them any further.
One of the things I really dislike about most EpI edits is how they cut the opening, specifically I love the underwater sequence and I wish more people kept it in. I’ve always found it exciting, rather than a drag of any kind.
My Edits:
Revenge of the Sith: Refocused Available
The Clone Wars Refocused: The Chosen One (Mortis Episode)
I too love the visual of the Gungan city, but I also completely understand it being removed.
One of the things I really dislike about most EpI edits is how they cut the opening, specifically I love the underwater sequence and I wish more people kept it in. I’ve always found it exciting, rather than a drag of any kind.
My thoughts on the underwater sequence are “on the one hand, on the other hand.” On the one hand, I agree that, from a visual standpoint, gunga city is pretty to look at. On the other hand, the scene doesn’t serve much of a purpose beyond knowing about the conflict between the gungans and Amidala. I think that’s why a lot of people have such disdain for it. It’s because seeing a bunch of CGI underwater creatures doesn’t serve the plot much. I personally like l8wrtr’s take on the underwater sequence the best. It goes to the boss nass scene, then cuts out the underwater sequence altogether, taking away the unimportant stuff.
I have altered Lucas’ visions. Pray I don’t alter them any further.
What if the crawl established that the Jedi are there to broker peace between the Gungans and Naboo, then we introduce them in conference w Boss Nas? There’d be no random scene in the woods, and they’d simply take JarJar with them when they leave to meet with the Queen.
In rewatching the Gungan city scenes, the real draw of the location is the location itself rather than the characters or dialogue. So how about this sequence:
-Beginning of film plays out normally, until the Jedi run into Jar Jar.
-Cut lines about Jar Jar being banished. He just leads them to the city. Cut before the captain confronts Jar Jar.
-Droid invasion of the capital and the capture of the queen.
-Bongo bursts from the underwater city with our three heroes. Splice this scene with the scene of emerging from the water at Naboo, cutting whatever fishy shenanigans you wish as well as dialogue concerning banishment.
This allows for the introduction of the pretty Gungan city with none of the stilted dialogue and bypasses the silliness of going through the planet core. Jar Jar’s life debt is still established so it is expected for him to hang around.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
A lot of interesting thoughts here.
If the Jedi begin on their mission to broker peace between Gungans and Naboo, then Jar Jar could simply be their go-between/guide/facilitator. (He could even be their Representative, which has supporting voice lines.) You also don’t necessarily need to have them leave in the bongo - after the Otoh Gunga scenes you could potentially cut to the second half of the scene where they originally meet Jar Jar, where the Jedi and Jar Jar talk more (ending with, for example, my ‘we must hurry’, eventually cutting back to them appearing in Theed having travelled there offscreen.)
Another option to preserve Otoh Gunga, though more radical and mutually exclusive from the above ideas, would be to have the Jedi visit the city upon their RETURN to Coruscant, failing to convince Boss Nass to help them but at least convincing him to meet the Queen, transitioning then into the Queen-meets-Boss-Nass scenes where she wins him over.