I liked it, especially Jar Jar’s new lines, thats a massive improvement. The only thing I would add is a line like this after the ambassadors ship exploded: “Sir, two escape pods have been launched right before landing.” This would explain how the Jedi were separated in the forrest, add a bit of tension, because we know the Jedi will show up any minute and connect the opening scene to the following Zoom-meeting with the Queen. It would also amplify the impact of the explosion, if we have a character reacting to it.
Post #1482654
- Author
- Peter Pan
- Parent topic
- Community Focus Thread 1: The Phantom Menace
- Link to post in topic
- https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1482654/action/topic#1482654
- Date created
- 3-May-2022, 12:48 PM