I agree that a peace offering is too much for the crawl.
And as for the two offered revisions, neither explains the political situation sufficiently. Remember that the primary issue with my v1 crawl is that it suggests that the entire Senate has supported the Resistance which isn’t at all what the film implies.
JEDIT: Here’s an idea, one that might actually work not just for this film but for the entire trilogy:
The galaxy is in crisis.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.
With the New Republic
gathering civilian ships
to search for the missing
Jedi, emissaries of the
IMPERIAL FIRST ORDER
have warned the Senate
that a united starfleet
would be considered an
act of war.
Refusing to fully abandon
their mission, a few
rebellious senators have
secretly called upon a
daring RESISTANCE to
find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…
Here we have the answer to a lot of questions in the film. Why doesn’t the New Republic use their fleet to strike back against the First Order? They don’t have a united starfleet. Why don’t they have a united starfleet? It’s a stipulation of the treaty with the Imperial remnant, which is actually part of the lore. This way, the small numbers of ships throughout the film makes sense as a consistent feature of the galaxy post-ROTJ.
This framing also has payoff in TROS with the arrival of the massive civilian fleet. If it was already being assembled by the Republic before its fall, then it doesn’t come out of nowhere.