> >
> >A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
> >to check tickets.
> >As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
> >ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed
> >her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to
> >see your ticket, not your stub."
> >
> > Snappy Answer #2
> >
> >A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
> >grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for
> >her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys
> >get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,
> >they're dead."
> >
> >Snappy Answer #3
> >
> >When the cop got out of his car, the kid who was
> >stopped for speedingrolled down his window. "I've been
> >waiting for you all day," said the cop. The kid
> >replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
> >When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid
> >on his way without a ticket.
> >
> > Snappy Answer #4
> >
> >A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
> >sign comes up thatreads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he
> >knows it his truck gets stuck under the bridge. Cars
> >are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes
> >up. The cop gets out of his car, walks around to the
> >truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
> >"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver replied, "No, I was
> >delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
> >
> >Snappy Answer #5
> >
> >A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
> >single agent was re-booking a long line of
> >inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger
> >pushed his way to the counter. He slapped his ticket
> >down onthe counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this
> >flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent
> >replied, I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help
> >you, but I've got to help these folks who are ahead of
> >you in linefirst. I'm sure we'll be able to work
> >something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He
> >responded loudly, so that the passengers behind him
> >could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without
> >missing a beat, the agent smiled and grabbed her
> >public address microphone. "May I have your attention
> >please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout
> >the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14
> >who doesnot know who he is. If anyone can help him
> >find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
> > With the folks behind him in line laughing
> >hysterically, the man glared at the United agent,
> >gritted his teeth and said, "F*** you!" Without so
> >much as a flinch, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry,
> >sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."
> >
> >And that brings us to Snappy Answer #6, the best of
> >2005...
> >
> >A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's
> >final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
> >for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
> >nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
> >illness, or a death in your immediate family, but
> >that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! A smart-ass
> >guy in the back of the room raised hishand and asked,
> >"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was
> >sufferingfrom complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
> >The entire class did its best to stifle their
> >laughter and snickering. When silence was restored,
> >the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student,
> >shook herhead, and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd
> >have to write the exam with your other hand."