I feel the crawl currently being considered has way too much exposition, and would benefit from being more focused.
Also, here’s a few thoughts on reordering the climax:
- Kerr gave me feedback when I was working on V1 of my TPM edit, that being that you’ve gotta show Jar Jar each time you cut back to the Gungan battle thread, since he’s the only one the audience has any connection to. You certainly could do that and keep the structure you’re going for.
- It feels weird to cut to the Gungans being rounded up by the droids so long after the last time we saw them.
- There are at least three instances of cutting to Padme and Panaka for only several seconds, making her thread feel choppy. If two of these could be combined that may help, or reinstating the “make sure everybody has zimas” sequence (and giving up on the idea that Anakin saved the day).
That point on Jar Jar is a good one. I’m not sure how necessary it feels to me personally, but I can see that it’s probably conventional editing wisdom. I’ll see what the least offensive Jar Jar shots are, for reinsertion. You could definitely extend the retreat a little, which features him, but maybe open the cavalry scene on a Jar Jar shot too. I don’t know if it’s needed in the scene of combat beginning, which already have him saying “steady, steady”?
What’s the collective feeling on the Gungan surrender? In this ordering, it felt like the earliest option based on energy levels of the surrounding scenes, but if it’s egregious I’ll see what other options exist.
I tried merging two Padmé scenes (capture and being brought to Nute) but didn’t feel it worked. I’ll remake that and present it here for review.