Thoughts on the 501st Legion:
I was very interested in this episode, because it was the first one where you said you implemented significant changes to the narrative structure, which can be very tricky
Part 1
I think the intro struggles to properly introduce the viewer to the characters. In the first minute we get two separate conversations with characters whom we have no idea who they are. The opening few minutes of the original episode, in addition to opening with an exciting action sequence, does a lot of expository work in terms of setting the stage for who everyone is and what their goals are. It’s also harder to sympathize with Echo and Fives when they go to speak with Shaak Ti because other than an extremely brief conversation with an unnamed authority figure we don’t know saying they’re doing poorly, we can hardly identify with their difficulties. Contrast this with the original episode, which by this point had led the viewer to see the struggles they face, and understand the stress that they are under. I would strongly recommend restoring the original ordering of scenes so that the initial, failed drill takes place before they are reprimanded (also leave in the MC’s introductory exposition)
Heavy’s conversation with 99 feels out of place, given that its narrative purpose is to tell him not to abandon his teammates and embrace who he is. In this new cut, we don’t see his confrontation with the MC (the low point to his internal struggle that the 99 conversation resolves) and we don’t see him ultimately overcome his struggle by embracing his nickname and triumphing by working with his brothers. The conversation with 99 itself is a very awkward way to end the prologue just before a time skip that seemingly drops all the conflict established in what remains of the episode. Additionally, Heavy’s triumph in this episode gives more tragedy to his sacrifice in the next episode.
I understand that the above changes were because you wanted to make the episode serve as an introduction to the new, longer edit, but I think it just takes too much twisting and stretching of the existing material to make work. I don’t think it is necessary to make it so that they ultimately fail in order to get posted at Rishi, as getting a shit posting as your first deployment is just how the military works. In fact, considering they had been threatened with being labelled a “bad batch” if they didn’t shape up, the implication that they never got better means they shouldn’t have been deployed at all (and certainly not at a mission-critical forward base)
part 2
The audio mixing for the “Sarge!” at 11:53 feels off. The fact that the volume drops so suddenly and noticeably feels less like it’s a result of the clone turning away, and more like he’s just lowering his voice. At first I thought that you had dubbed this in, but I checked and saw that it existed in the original episode and sounds fine there. I don’t know what was changed here that caused this issue.
I’m not sure how I feel about the change to the conversation at 13:17. I assume you wanted to drop the cheesy reference to the famous Han Solo scene from ANH, but what’s left makes it look like the “clone” answered the call and then immediately hung up, which doesn’t make much sense.
I don’t think you need to reintroduce the whole eel fight sequence, but I would keep the shot of the clone escapees walking along the cliffside pointing out Rex and Cody’s ship (starts at around 8:17 of the original episode). It makes the later flare scene work a lot better imo if we at least know that they are outside, since up until then we only see them entering the vents.
part 3
Without a time skip between the events of Rookies and this episode, it’s unclear why Fives and Echo are with the 501st, or why they have new armor. Also, the fact that it’s only been about “2 weeks” since they were cadets means that it doesn’t really feel like much of a reunion
I think 99 not having heavy’s medal is another good aspect of the episode that is lost by not having the triumph at the end of their training. It also makes 99’s dialog feel a bit choppy at the end when you have to cut around it
Without at least some of Obi-Wan’s underwater adventure, it comes as an unexplained surprise when we suddenly see Anakin on the surface, as Obi-Wan never told him to come down.