I’m trying something on a whim here, and I am interested in whether this approach is working or not.

I am simply trying to create better conversations and some humour between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. I think the first portion works very well (up until “is going to be the death of me”), and the latter about 80%.

I’m trying to achieve a few things through this dialogue:

Obi-Wan is inpatient and a little whiny, much like most Padawans are (Anakin will be). But with decent humour and irony.
A little gab at the original film premise (diplomatic mission)
Obi-Wan hating the planet, that he will once end up living on
Qui-Gon trying to keep his Padawan’s mind focused on the Force and the ways of the Jedi.