Here’s my detailed feedback and custom follow-up edit list for the final three episodes of Season 1. As always, most is subjective, but feel free to take anything that you want.

Please do note the text issue for “Children of Night” and the two text issues for “The Future of the Force.”

CHILDREN OF NIGHT

The opening text uses the word “Whilst.” Though technically correct, it is the only instance in any of these crawls where you use an archaic term like this. I suggest replacing it with “While” for consistency.
Made a slight trim to ObiWan and Anakin’s conversation during the initial fighter battle, just trimming mildly corny banter.
Trimmed the most over-the-top “Master!” during the Ventress flashbacks, since it just took me out of what was otherwise a pretty serious sequence.
Trimmed the appearance of Ventress right after the witch contacts Dooku. This leaves the plan a little more vague for a few more minutes, in order to build intrigue.
Trimmed a redundant “Yesss” from Ventress.
Shortened Ventress’ speeder ride to only include her arrival in the male village. I just got tired of seeing people go past those fleshy bag trees.
Trimmed a redundant line about letting the challenge begin. Now, only Ventress says it, as a VoiceOver.
Trimmed Savage’s line about his brother being weak. Now, he simply kills him, without dialogue or clear emotion. He is a machine.
Trimmed Ventress’ advice to Savage so that it is now simply to never sympathize with the enemy.
Cut all of Dooku’s analysis of the situation on Deveron. Instead, he says that he needs proof of Savage’s skills and is sending him there.
Cut the scene where word of the massacre arrives at the Jedi temple. A lot of what was said was redundant and a tiny bit corny. Instead, we now transition immediately from Dooku calling Savage his apprentice to their lightsaber training.

A STRIKE AT THE HEART

Made small times during Bane’s planning scene so that the story moves ahead faster and more of his cards are held close to his chest. The plot will become clear enough as the episode progresses. I also minimized the conversation about the safe, since that’s not really an issue in the edit.
Significantly trimmed Anakin and Padme’s dialogue to be less cringy. Yes, it matches their tone in “Attack of the Clones,” but I think it works better and maintains its heart if toned down.
Minimized the dialogue between Bane and the fish-like hacker, mainly because I didn’t care for the hacker and wanted him to simply do his job.
Trimmed Bane’s redundant line about the senators giving him their com links, both before and after the Palpatine scene.
Trimmed Bane’s recognition of Anakin (in two instances). Now, Anakin is considered simply a random Jedi who got in Bane’s way.
Made a number of small trims during Anakin’s fight with the IG unit, tightening the flow of the sequence.
Trimmed Anakin’s vocal reaction to being shot at by Bane’s team.
Trimmed some of Bane’s dialogue immediately after breaking into the temple. Again, his character doesn’t seem like someone who would tell his colleagues his plans beyond exactly what they need to know in the moment.
Trimmed much of Anakin and ObiWan’s conversation about the security breach. Because this is a compound episode, the conversation completely ignored what just happened in the senate building, which should be at the forefront of Anakin’s mind. By cutting the dialogue right after Anakin says that something’s happening, we can infer that they went on to talk about the entire situation.
Trimmed the dialogue by ObiWan and Yoda about someone being disguised as a Jedi and Ahsoka needing to check on the librarian. It all seemed like intelligence that was gathered in a cut scene. Now, Yoda just tells Ahsoka to be vigilant because he senses deception, and she figures the rest out on her own.
Trimmed Ahsoka trash talking Bane after his arrest.

THE FUTURE OF THE FORCE

There is a typo in the opening text: “Artefact” > “Artifact”
The opening paragraph also reads very awkwardly. I suggest “is reeling after the senate hostage crisis and a simultaneous heist from the Jedi temple.”
Cut several establishing shots and Bane scenes during the opening battle, in order to move into the central plot faster.
Trimmed some of Yalaren’s exasperation with Anakin. They’ve been together all season, and he should be used to Anakin by now.
Trimmed Rex’s line about waiting for orders while Anakin is trying to figure out a plan to board the ship. It just felt awkward to me.
Agan, cut some of Bane’s monologuing to the droids. He doesn’t seem like someone who would readily share what he is doing with the people around him.
Cut Anakin repeating that Ahsoka should wait for him as she chases Bane.
Cut some of the short scenes aboard the Venator and some of the exterior shots of the Separatist ship, in order to keep the focus on Anakin, Ahsoka, and Bane.
Cut Ahsoka calling Bane “Slimo,” both times. The second cut (in the Gungan city) was not as smooth as I’d like, but I really didn’t like that line.
Cut Anakin almost staying behind on the ship to chase Bane some more. Now, he and Ahsoka run straight to the launch bay to evacuate.
Cut Anakin’s odd “hmm” after Ahsoka tells him that the holocron was destroyed.
Cut the final scene of Ahsoka at the temple. I know that you really like having it there, but to me it still feels a bit random and my personal preference is to end the episode on Anakin and Palpatine.

Thank you, as always for your extensive work on this project. I can’t wait to get into Season 2!