Wow, I like the sequence a lot. My initial reaction to watching the theatrical original is that u have this slight moment of u certainty because u don’t know if the proton torpedo would work and let alone save the rebel base in the Knick of time. Your sequence seems to portray this from tarkin’s pov. While he thinks victory was attained the viewer can appreciate for a few seconds it is quite the contrary.
How did u rotoscope the explosion starting at 0:18? Is it the same explosion that proceeds down another shaft several seconds later? And what program did you use? If im not mistaken, it looks like your explosion was manually drawn? I use Davinci resolve and for explosions, the Luma keyer works well for rotoscoping explosions in fusion page. For my low standards at least