I wanted to chime in and say that I like both of Burbin’s ideas. It did feel funny for Grievous to be focused on the witches before he has even taken care of the Jedi in his lair. Like, he has Jedi running around in his house and he’s like, “I need to go kill Ventress and those witches!”
But the only issue with using the Dooku call scene with him sitting is his chair is that we see Fisto cut that chair in an earlier scene. Might not be a big deal, but it is worth considering if you use that scene after Fisto has escaped. Again, it’s a quick scene so it might not be a big deal.
I also like Burbin’s idea of having Talzin just speak to Savage through voiceover, rather than cutting back to her in the flesh. I also wonder if it would be nice to have some kind of establishing shot for the coda, rather than immediately cutting to inside the diner. I think there is an establishing shot of the diner around 4:30 into the original episode that you could use if you reversed the footage. Might not work but I think it would be nice way for the audience to take a breath before this little epilogue starts.
Also I can’t recall, but does every episode end with that music that transitions into the credits? The music we hear over Dooku monologuing about the threat of Savage and sensing something sinister does work, but I also can’t help but connect it with Ahsoka and the episode it is originally associated with. The music just kind of feels sentimental and melancholy. Might be a stretch, but I also think it would be interesting if you used Maul’s subtle theme from Solo for this scene, since that sinister presence Dooku is sensing is presumably Maul. Too on the nose? Maybe that could be used for another Maul episode down the road.
Also regarding the opening text. Instead of the last sentence starting with, “And Ventress now returns…”, I wonder if it would sound better to rephrase it like, “Now, Ventress returns…”
Anyway, I think the episode works really well as-is, but I can see how these changes Burbin mentioned could potentially improve the episode even more.