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Post #1467126

Author
EddieDean
Parent topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [COMPLETE]
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1467126/action/topic#1467126
Date created
15-Jan-2022, 11:44 AM

I’ve tidied that workprint up now so I can at least release a decent review version.

REVIEW VERSION RELEASED - S02E02 - Massacre (V2.0)

  • REVIEW VERSION, not quite ready for full release, but presented here for feedback.
  • Our second episode of season two.
  • Comprising the original episodes Lair of Grievous and Massacre, with a couple of minutes from Brothers (IMPORTANT: The prior v1.x version of this just covered Massacre, so this story is all-new. Worth a look if you’ve seen this one before.)
  • Running 34 minutes.
  • DOWNLOAD LINK is in the tracker spreadsheet, PM me for access.
  • Note: It’s recommended that you download this before watching, rather than streaming it directly from Google Drive.

This episode is a continuation of the plotline established in the Nightsisters arc, which leads into the Savage/Maul plotline to follow. It’s placed here to allow us to eagerly anticipate and get to Maul within this season, and to make Ventress’ reaction to the events of the Nightsister arc come fairly soon afterwards.

It merges the plotlines of Lair of Grievous and Massacre, to present an all-new story. Lair of Grievous contained some interesting texture and good villainy for Grievous, but had a lot of filler and its emotional core wasn’t strong enough to stand alone. Massacre was always great fun, but it was really Dooku that had the personal grievance against the Nightsisters, not Grievous. So what I’ve done here is had Ventress leak the location of Grievous’ base to the Jedi, as a vengeful strike against Dooku and his war. Here that event is what now draws the Jedi to Grievous’ Lair (rather than pursuing Nute Gunray as in the original), triggering the events of Lair of Grievous. And now, when Grievous initiates the Nightsister massacre in Massacre, the events there (including Ventress and Grievous’ one-on-one duel) are more personal. This also builds on their dislike of each other as seen in the Domino Squad arc. Having Ventress be more directly responsible for the fall of the Nightsisters also adds a new layer to her guilt, which plays nicely with her original lines about this being all her fault, and helps justify the softening of her character that we see later.

Since Grievous has no visible mouth, and Dooku has his back to the camera quite a lot when he’s in hologram, I was able to do a lot of audio work to keep referencing the Nightsisters throughout the Lair of Grievous content.

I also end this episode with some scenes originally from the beginning of Brothers (where Savage finds Maul), showing Savage getting closer to finding Maul and having Dooku and Grievous ominously show further concern. My intention here is to create some anticipation and continue to make this show feel more serialised than anthology. (I’m not sure quite how well this works, so interested in feedback here)

Noteworthy changes:

  • This episode is titled ‘Massacre’ after the original episode, since I think it’s a good straight-to-the-point threat. However, now that this version includes some additional content which serves to make the plot more of a series of revenge strikes, I may rename it ‘Retribution’ after I’ve done a bit more work to polish this.
  • The opening crawl reestablishes the risk facing the Sith with the various unexpected a results of the failed attempt to kill Ventress. It explains that Ventress leaked Grievous’ location, and makes explicit that it was only her that could have leaked it - which I needed to help explain why Grievous and Dooku tie the strike back to the Nightsisters.
  • We open on Ventress returning to Dathomir, and being told by Talzin that she should become a Nightsister.
  • Cut to Kit Fisto entering Grievous’ lair and them finding all of his weird artefacts, Grievous arriving, their first combat (where Grievous loses his legs), Fisto deciding to flee but being stopped by Grievous locking the doors, and Grievous undergoing his painful repairs.
  • Transition from Grievous’ repairs into Ventress going through a similar procedure as she’s healed and purified by Nightsister magics, becoming a true Nightsister herself.
  • Return to Grievous’ Lair, where he takes a call from Dooku informing him that he knows about the Jedi attack, that Ventress has returned to Dathomir, and they can get revenge on Ventress and Talzin. (They leap to revenge since only Ventress knew the location, so she must have been the leaker.) Grievous kills Nahdar and Kit Fisto unlocks the doors, and I moved round some scenes so it looks like the right number of clones get killed without needing the fire pit or monster. Kit faces Grievous and flees, and now free from dealing with the attack on his base, Grievous quickly tells Dooku it’s time for revenge on the Nightsisters.
  • Back to the Nightsisters celebrating and getting immediately attacked by Greivous, and then the rest of Massacre plays out, with the only changes being making Talzin the one who raises the undead army instead of Old Dahka.

(I’m not quite sure if ‘Massacre’ still suits this new narrative, so I may rename this? Revenge? Retribution? Escalation? Revenge and Regret?)

I may need to return to this one based on your feedback, but it’s a polished review version for now.
Onwards to s02e03 Corruption on Mandalore!