You may know of him, but member CatBus here is the Star Wars subtitles master (and surely just a full subtitles master in general with his juggling 50 languages worth of…!) I don’t want to speak for him, but since yours is rather a short piece, something tells me he wouldn’t mind watching it (since you have such an exclusive and interesting item here) and giving you suggestions polishing your subs to perfection.
Or maybe not, I don’t know 😃 Here’s the link to his incredible thread, that he’s still fully on top of after almost a decade 😮
https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Project-Threepio-Star-Wars-OOT-subtitles/id/13794/page/1
Thanks for the info. Sounds interesting. I’ll get in touch with him.