New clip:
I’ll give some feedback on this one…
The first shot inside the deathstar control room with tarkin facing the screen would be better to remove Alderaan entirely and outer space have a graphic or readouts… The reason being if Alderaan is on the screen why is Leia so surprised when he says “home planet of Alderaan” as if it was not there already. This was meant to be a “reveal” Leia looks stupid. It’s not your fault but it could be better to hear the sound of screen changing then cut to viewscreen with Alderaan in orbit.
Once we see Alderaan out the viewscreen the star field should be going left to right and alderaan planet right to left. This would then look correct and feel like 3D orbit. Try it and you will like that simple fix.
Last point the shot before Tarkin says “I grow tired of asking” you can see camera over shoulder he is mouthing lines. It is held on that shot too long and it is equal to what the music cue is out by. It is the cause of the duff music cue and needs eliminating for time and correction for the correct music cue to be restored. The shot still stays but it’s over running by around 1.5 seconds basically it should cut at the point Peter Cushin starts mouthing lines.
Talking of music cue in the R2-D2 canyon the shot of R2 coming towards camera before he drives down the slope is also to be eliminated entirely from that sequence… Note this shot feels totally disconected from the previous and following shots. This shot should be placed before the shot of the tuskan raiders looking down on the cliff and after Luke and C3PO in the land speeder. You don’t get the entire running time of that shot but it is where it is meant to go and it restores the build up part of the music cue. This shot is actually eliminated in some TV cuts of Star Wars and frankly it’s better without and better with it in the right place.
If you cared to go for restoring the full original cue for the Jawas going to the sandcrawler once R2D2 collapse a few shots need moving about of the Jawas to fit the music properly but once we see the matte shot of the Sandcrawler there needs to be a cut away to say a shot of the moon or sky to fill the music gap and fix the jump cut (passing of time), then it can resume as it is in the final film.
Hope this helps