You could maybe change “They wouldn’t say where you were” to “They didn’t know where you were”.
A bit goofy to forget even where they left the kid? Maybe, but it’d keep the scumbag aspect in.
Post #1455037
- Author
- Shaddy Zaphod
- Parent topic
- REY NOBODY - A Collaborative Thread
- Link to post in topic
- https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1455037/action/topic#1455037
- Date created
- 28-Oct-2021, 8:17 AM