Turns out I did get a little extra time, so I’ll get a workprint of this episode out.

Anyway, having reviewed all your comments guys, I’ve refreshed the crawl. I can’t include all of your suggestions since I’m limited on space, so often tighter words and phrasing is key. But I went through all your notes and commentary for your intents. I also modified a little more in the second half. It now reads:

Conflicts erupt in the early days of the Clone Wars.
Having safely escorted the Duchess Satine off Mandalore, Anakin and Obi-Wan rejoin the clone fleet searching for General Grievous.
Meanwhile, the Republic has learned that the Malevolence attack plan had been leaked to Count Dooku, and now fears Separatist spies.
— new page —
The traitor NUTE GUNRAY, while attempting to sell the planet Ryloth’s military secrets, has been captured by Master LUMINARA UNDULI.
Escorting him to trial, Luminara has asked Ahsoka to help question Gunray, as they hope to learn Grievous’ location and Dooku’s plans.
But Dooku will not allow such information to fall into enemy hands…

I changed the first main para from protecting the Duchess from Death Watch to escorting the Duchess off Mandalore. That was the key there, since it was what brought Anakin into the new situation, and it emphasises the importance of protecting the Duchess for the sake of Mandalore’s independence. It’s also important to say the word ‘Mandalore’ as much as possible, to keep that plotline prominent.

Calling Nute a traitor is the most correct and valuable descriptor for him, since he was a Republic trader (the Trade Federation is Republic and the Naboo blockade was a civil dispute) but has now turned Separatist (and is no longer associated with the Trade Federation, currently pretending to have gone straight). It also tells us he’s a Separatist without us needing that word.

I’m not quite sure about “Luminara has asked Ahsoka to help question Gunray”, though, since I don’t know why she’d want Ahsoka’s help. I’d like to reformat that so she’s more the stand-in teacher for Anakin, while covering the same beats (and the same spacing). Though at a push, I suppose the fact that she’s escorting him to trial isn’t vital to the plot, plus it’s covered in dialogue.

Anyway, I should get a workprint out shortly. It’s missing a couple of changes to audio I’d like to make, but it’ll be worth the review.